It’s A Special Occasion When Randy Orton Wears Pants
RAW started with The Authority minus Stephanie McMahon. HHH talked about tonight’s main event and Hell In A Cell this Sunday. He talked about the Cell being a career changing match, and that how he has won the most Cell matches than anyone else. He said it wasn’t a match you win, it’s a match you survive. Seth Rollins took the mic. He said Mr. Money in the Bank has a nice ring to it, but he had a new one: Undisputed Future of the WWE. He said Ambrose won’t have a future after he beats him in the main event this Sunday. Orton took the mic and said that he was the true main event of Hell In A Cell. HHH said that it was a double main event. He also said that the winner of the Orton/Cena will receive a Title shot against Brock Lesnar. He said tonight he knows The Authority will make him proud, just like Orton and Rollins will this Sunday.
Mandatory RAW Six Man Tag
Sheamus and the Usos vs Miz and the Dust Brothers. Before the match Miz made Mizdow wrestle and told him this was a big opportunity for him. The Usos took their turns working over Stardust early on. Goldust tagged in but he ate a hip toss. Stardust came back in and hit a kick to the head off the top rope. All six men stared down each other on the outside into commercial.
Back from break Goldust hit a spinebuster on an Uso. Mizdow came in and he hit the backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for two. He went for Miz’s corner clothesline but ate a boot from the Uso. The heels continued to work over the Uso until he hit an enziguri kick on Goldust and tagged in Sheamus. Sheamus went to work on Mizdow. He hit a high running knee followed by a slam. One of the Usos hit a dive to the outside on Goldust. Stardust hit the falling star on the Usos. Mizdow took out the Usos again and Sheamus hit a dive off the top on Mizdow. Back in the ring, Stardust went for a springboard enziguri but Sheamus ducked and hit a Brogue Kick. Mizdow then rolled up Sheamus from behind and picked up the win. Miz jumped and down afterwards saying that he had won.
WINNERS: Goldust, Stardust and Damien Mizdow
Backstage, HHH told Orton that the idea of him facing Cena for a #1 Contenders Shot was Seth Rollins idea. Orton said he needs to go thank Seth Rollins personally.
Alicia Fox defeated AJ. Paige and Alicia had a fake fight on the outside. Paige threw Alicia back in the ring and AJ went after Paige, but the distraction allowed Alicia to roll up AJ for the win.
Backstage Orton asked Rollins why he is looking out for him. Rollins said he is a team player and told Orton to take it easy. Rollins said that by some miracle if he defeats Lesnar and becomes WWE Champ, the future would take care of itself and stared at the MITB Briefcase.
I Wish I Was Back In 2002
Randy Orton came out. He said time flies. It seems like just yesterday it was 2002 and him and Orton were just debuting. The crowd chanted “Lets Go Royals” and Orton said that the Royals will not win and it will be another 100 years before they win anything. Orton said that it was Piper/Hogan, Michaels/Hart, Rock/Austin then Orton/Cena. Orton said Cena is still that punk kid from Boston Mass who has no business being in the same ring as him. Orton said Cena could take his Hustle, Loyalty and Respect and shove it up his ass. Orton said he beat Cena earlier in the year at the Rumble and he will do it again. Orton said he will beat Cena at HIAC and savor every second of it.
Cena told Orton to shut up and that every time he opens his mouth he sounds like a jackass. Cena made a terrible grandpa peeing his pants joke. Cena then brought up the Royals. He said 2002 was the last time Orton was relevant. Orton said being in the World Series and winning it are two different things. Cena said Orton will be in the match this Sunday but he won’t win. Cena said this Sunday, every time he sees Orton’s face he will see Brock Lesnar.
Paul Heyman came out. He said the class of 2002 featured Orton, Cena and the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar. Heyman said the Undsisputed Champion in 2002 is the same in 2014. Heyman said this Sunday these two are stepping in the ring with their equals. But his client has no equal. So the winner this Sunday is the ultimate loser. Heyman said he always respected Orton but he has no shot at beating his beast. Cena went to leave but Heyman told him he wasn’t done. Heyman talked about Cena wanting one more Title shot. Cena went to AA Heyman but Cena put him down. Orton then hit the RKO on Cena. After a few seconds, Orton then hit the RKO on Heyman as well.
A Feud Based Around Giant Flags
Rusev vs Big E. Rusev took control early and landed some early kicks to the legs. But Big E fought back and hit a jumping shoulder tackle sending Rusev to the outside. Big E threw Rusev into the barricade. Rusev fought back with a headbutt in the ring and went to a headlock. Big E tried making a comeback but Rusev caught Big E with a spinning heel kick. Back from break Rusev continued to work over Big E. Rusev applied the Accolade and Big E taped out.
Lana said Big Show deserves to be in the circus and have people throw food at him. Rusev said Big Show is going to fail his country and all these people will despise him for it. They wanted the flag to drop but it didn’t. Big Show appeared on the tron, smiled, and then the American Flag dropped. Rusev went to rip it down, but a plant in an army uniform came in. WWE security tried to stop him, but Rusev kicked him in the face.
Back from break Big Show said that you never disrespect an American soldier. Show said Rusev’s 15 minutes of fame is up and he doesn’t want to wait until this Sunday and wanted Rusev now. Show said since Rusev won’t come out there he will come to him. Show went into Rusev’s locker room in the back but he wasn’t there.
Backstage, Dean Ambrose was watching See No Evil 2. John Cena came in and asked what he was doing. Ambrose said he was doing research for his match tonight. Ambrose says he is Batman and Cena is Superman. Ambrose said he’s undefeated in contract on a pole matches, but Handicap Street Fights are his specialty. He said they are going to kick and punch some people and he just might surprise them. Cena said Ambrose is much more like The Joker, to which Ambrose replied “Why so serious?”
Brie Bella beat Summer Rae.
Cheap Pops For Everyone!
Dean Ambrose came out with a giant duffle bag. He said this Sunday he finally get his hands on that power ranger suit sellout Seth Rollins. He pulled a giant mannequin out that was dressed like Seth Rollins out of the duffle bag. He said this Sunday the first body part he would rip of was his hands. He ripped them off and hit the dummy with it. He said what he does to people that screw him over is screw them over harder. He hit the dummy with a screwdriver then a hammer. He then grabbed a saw and said he was going to saw off his testicles, but then he realized that he already sold his testicles to the Authority. He then used some tongs on the dummy and hit a piledriver.
Seth Rollins came out. He said they all know he isn’t going to beat him, and maybe Ambrose could get a career in comedy when he’s done. Rollins said he did sell out. He said none of these losers will ever have any idea what it is like to be him. He is rich and a somebody. He said that is why everyone has their cameras out, and they’ll be posting those pictures on Facebook and Instagram later. Ambrose pulled out a drill and said he would give everyone here an early preview of their HIAC match. Rollins said he isn’t afraid of Ambrose.
Suddenly, Mick Foley came out. He said he came by to visit an old friend and looked up at the Cell. He said his children saw The Shield and were amazed by them. He said as great as they were as a unit, but in almost every version of them going face to face he always saw Seth Rollins coming out on top. Rollins said despite Foley being old and dressing as Santa now he still has some intelligent thoughts. Foley said that Rollins missed the keyword, almost. Foley said Ambrose can do whatever he wants to Rollins inside the Cell. Foley then talked about all the scars that the Cell can cause, physically and emotionally. Ambrose said he isn’t concerned about more scars and losing teeth and anything else. He said no one gets him backstage, but maybe Foley does. Ambrose told Rollins to ask himself if he was ready to wake up from a hospital bed Monday morning. Rollins said he will beat Ambrose just like he has beaten everyone else on his rise to the top. Foley said he doesn’t think they are ready for life after their Cell match. Foley said this Sunday they get the match they have been waiting for all their lives. Foley left and Ambrose went after Rollins before he bailed.
Only Took Two Hours To Get To Something Good
Dolph Ziggler vs Cesaro. Cesaro got the early mat take down and went to a headlock. Cesaro hit a shoulder tackle and elbow then went back to a headlock. Cesaro connected on a right hand but Ziggler escaped a running powerslam and hit a dropkick. Ziggler clotheslined Cesaro to the outside and tossed him into the barricade. Back in the ring Ziggler went for the Fameasser but Cesaro dropped him on the ropes. Back from break Cesaro pulled Ziggler off the ground, press slammed him, and then dropped Ziggler on his knee. Cesaro went to the top but ate a Ziggler dropkick coming down. Ziggler hit some clotheslines followed by a splash in the corner and an elbow. After a near fall Cesaro hit an elbow and went for a powerbomb but Ziggler countered to a faceplant. Both men exchanged counters before Cesaro hit a hard uppercut for the win.
After the match Cesaro hit the Neutralizer.
Backstage, HHH made Kane the general for the Authority tonight. He yelled at Orton and Rollins and told them to put aside their differences.
Another Bray Wyatt promo aired.
Why Are There Tags In A Street Fight?
Main event time. Rollins laid some boots to Ambrose but Ambrose bounced back with a bulldog then a couple of submission holds. All five men went to the outside. Ambrose eventually hit an elbow off the announce table onto everyone. Ambrose hit Rollins with a chair in the ring. He went to the outside of the ring and grabbed a table. Kane came over and dropped Ambrose on the table laying on the ground. Kane then pulled Cena off the apron and onto the steps.
Rollins had control over Ambrose back from break. Orton came in and dropped Ambrose on the ropes as the heels took their turns beating up Ambrose. Ambrose eventually caught Orton with a boot and missile dropkick off the top and tagged in Cena. Cena went full CENA MODE and then hit the AA on Kane. Cena grabbed a table and put it in the ring. He went to AA Rollins through the table but Rollins escaped and threw Cena into the chair that was set up in the corner. On the outside Orton tossed Ambrose into the steps. Kane then grabbed the steps and hit Ambrose in the head with them. Rollins set a table up in the corner. Cena went for the AA again but Rollins escaped and hit a neckbreaker for two. Kane pulled Cena to the outside and sent him into the steps and ringpost. Kane tossed Cena through the table in the corner.
Kane demanded that the Cell be brought down. Cena pushed away Orton and tagged in Ambrose. Ambrose dropkicked Rollins off the apron into the Cell then hit his bounce off the ropes clothesline on Orton. Ambrose then used a kendo stick on Orton. Ambrose jumped off the second rope and used the chair on Orton. Ambrose hit a dive through the ropes onto Rollins. Orton tossed Ambrose into the Cell. He went for the RKO in the ring but Cena stopped him and went for the AA. Kane hit a Chokeslam on Cena, Ambrose hit a DDT on Kane, he bounced off the ropes but went right into the RKO giving The Authority the win.
WINNERS: The Authority
After the match, Seth Rollins hit the Curb Stomp on Orton.
This is where I normally tell you what I like and didn’t like. But there’s no reason to do that this week. This RAW was bad. Ziggler/Cesaro was okay but too short to mean anything. The Rusev/Big Show stuff was terrible. Trying to use an obvious plant to get cheap heat on Rusev was stupid. And we don’t even know if Big Show found him or not. And wasn’t Rusev just defending himself from someone who jumped the barricade? The Cena/Orton stuff was bad. I don’t care how you try to spin it, no one wants to see these two fight again. And I now have a bad feeling that they are going to main event with this stipulation. They even found a way to make a bad Dean Ambrose segment this week. When you have five wrestlers appearing on multiple segments, your show is too damn long. But unfortunately the WWE will never realize this. I bet we get a lot of the same stuff on Smackdown. Just a lot of bad stuff all around. It gets a 1 from me.
Until Next Time,
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