Wait, No Cena Could Be A Good Thing
John Cena came out to start the show. He seemed in good spirits despite his teammates getting fired. He said he still would have saved Edge no matter what because it is the right thing to do. He said despite Triple H’s accomplishments, he will be remembered as a greedy, power hungry, back stabbing son of a bitch. Cena said it wasn’t fair for Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan to get fired and he along with the fans wanted them back on RAW. Cena told the audience to use their social media voice with #authoritysucks. He said if the Authority doesn’t listen then they really are deaf, blind, and stupid.
Cena brought up his Title match at the Royal Rumble and said that he was going to win. Cena said he is going to win then go home. Because he will win the Title then leave and not return until those three men get their jobs back. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon came back. They both blasted Cena for everything he said. Triple H said that Cena understood the stipulations. Anyone that supported his mutiny was going to get fired. Steph said Seth Rollins was able to exploit Cena’s weakness: always wanting to be the hero. HHH said nothing says hero like turning your back on the guys that support you. HHH said they are going to give him the chance to be a hero again. HHH said it was obvious that the WWE Universe wanted those three back. HHH said they could get their job back, if Cena wins his match tonight against Seth Rollins. HHH made it a Lumberjack match. And the match starts now. All of the lumberjacks appeared to be heels.
The match stated back from break. Cena took Rollins down with a headlock. Bad News Barrett took a swipe at his legs so Cena went out and punched him. Rollins took control back in the ring. Rollins landed a few elbows. Cena fought back and hit a bulldog, but Rollins countered another and tossed Cena to the outside. The lumberjacks got some shots in then tossed Cena back into the ring. Both men exchanged blows back in the ring then Rollins was tossed to the outside. J & J Security prevented the lumberjacks from getting to Rollins into commercial.
Back from break Rollins had the upper hand. After exchanging punches we got CENA MODE. Cena connected on the AA then knocked J&J Security off the apron. The lumberjacks pulled Rollins out of the ring. Cena then hit a dive off the top rope onto all of the lumberjacks. Cena got a two count back in the ring. Rollins got two from a small package then connected on a superkick. Rollins went to the top but Cena crotched him. Rollins countered and ended up hitting his corner powerbomb for two. Both men exchanged punches. Cena went for the AA but Rollins landed on his feet and hit a reverse neckbreaker for two. Rollins missed a splash and Cena hit the AA, but J&J Security pulled Cena out of the ring. Cesaro tossed Cena into the barricade then back into the ring. Rollins went for the Curb Stomp but Cena moved and applied the STF. Kane pulled Rollins to the ropes. Big Show then pulled Cena to the outside and hit a KO Punch. Cena was rolled back into the ring and Rollins pinned him to pick up the win.
WINNER: Seth Rollins
Backstage, Stephanie McMahon talked to the Usos and Dean Ambrose. She said that everything that has happened is John Cena’s responsibility. She told the Usos that Naomi will fight with one hand tied behind his back. And a doctor of abnormal psychology would follow Dean Ambrose all night to make sure he is fit to compete, otherwise he wouldn’t be in the Rumble.
Doctor Segment 1: He asked Dean what makes his clock tick. He told Dean to sit back and relax. He started a ticking clock and Dean just stared at it.
Oh New Day Is Still A Thing
Cesaro and Tyson Kidd vs the New Day. Kofi threw Cesaro to the outside then took out Kidd. Kidd made a blind tag. Cesaro tossed Kofi into the air and Kidd caught him with a kick to the face. Cesaro did the swing and Kidd caught him with a dropkick mid swing. Xaiver Woods broke up the count. Kofi kicked Cesaro out of the ring then kicked Kidd. Xaiver Woods got the hot tag. Xaiver hit a leapfrog clothesline. Adam Rose distracted Xaiver on the apron but Big E took him out. Kofi came in and they hit their finisher for the win.
WINNERS: New Day
Yep, Vince McMahon Is Definitely Writing Roman Reigns Promos
Big Show came out. He said everyone is scared on the first day of a new job. He said on his first day of the job, he beat Hulk Hogan for the World Title. He said people spend their lives living in failure and they are all losers as the crowd chanted boring. Big Show went on about job security and how everyone wants it, even if it means turning on someone. He said Roman Reigns is like the New York Knicks, a loser. Roman Reigns came out but Big Show bailed. Reigns says he gets it, he isn’t a threat to him. He said he remembers him beating Hogan. But Reigns has another story to tell. Reigns said there was a boy far away named Roman Reigns. And there were some magic beans that grew a giant bean stalk. The stalk had magic coins and everything. But a big giant protected them and he was beaten and the giant walked away a coward and a loser. I have no idea what most of it meant.
Reigns then fought Luke Harper. The match started back from commercial. Reigns blocked a suplex and countered into a powerslam. Harper then hit a chop block to the legs of Reigns then tossed him into the barricade and steps on the outside. Harper went to a headlock but Reigns escaped and landed some elbows. Reigns hit a couple of clotheslines then a neckbreaker for two. Harper then went to the eyes of Reigns and hit a big boot for two. Show distracted Reigns which allowed Harper to hit a blackhole slam for two. Harper went for his finisher but Reigns countered to a Superman Punch then his apron dropkick. Show distracted Reigns, which allowed Harper to hit a superkick for two. Harper lined Reigns up for his clothesine but Reigns bounced back with a Spear for the win.
WINNER: Roman Reigns
After the match Big Show attacked Reigns and ended up landing a KO Punch.
Alicia Fox beat Naomi, who had one hand tied behind her back.
Doctor Segment Two: Word Association. Ambrose immediately blurted out Thursday. The doctor showed Ambrose pictures: HHH: Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Seth Rollins: Scumbag, Roman Reigns: Brother, Kane: Toothpaste, Hacksaw Jim Duggan: HOOOO, Stephanie McMahon: HOOOOOO
Random Brock Lesnar Mid-Show Appearance
Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman came out. Heyman said it takes great pleasure to return to the scene of the crime, where his client ended the Undertaker’s Wrestlemania undefeated streak. Heyman said it was the rise of a beast. Heyman said his client is the only man to be NCAA Champion, UFC Heavyweight Champion and WWE Undisputed Champion. Heyman listed all of his clients accomplishments over the last year. Heyman said tonight his client will explain the difference between fantasy and reality to John Cena and Seth Rollins.
Jey Uso vs Miz. Miz hit his corner clothesline right off the bat but Jey caught Miz off the top with an uppercut. Jey hit a powerslam then a crossbody off the top for two. Jey followed it up with a Samoan Drop and butt splash. Jey went for a superkick but Miz ducked. Mizdow tried to pull him back but Jimmy pulled Mizdow out. Miz eye poked Jey then hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
Well This Is Refreshing
Daniel Bryan came out. He said something seems familiar about all of this and he thinks something big happened the last time he was in New Orleans. He said tonight he declares his intention to win the Royal Rumble match. Just as he started talking about the Authority, Stephanie McMahon came out. Steph gave him a copy of her workout DVD but he didn’t want it. She said after Bryan’s Title win reality came crashing down for him. They replayed Kane’s attack from last year. Steph said an A+ player not only wins the big one but also stays on top. She said these people believe him because he is the common man just like them. Steph asked if Bryan really believes in himself and is ready to do this all over again. He said Yes. He told Steph to cheer along because it was probably a better workout than you get in her DVD. He said no matter what the Authority does he will not stop fighting. Steph said that since Bryan wants to fight so bad, his first match will be on Smackdown this Thursday against Kane.
Kane came out but Bryan attacked him right away. Kane eventually turned the tables and tossed Bryan into the steps. Kane went to Tombstone Bryan on the steps but Bryan escaped and pushed Kane into the post. Bryan went on the attack again. He hit a dropkick on Kane then his dive through the ropes. Kane bailed as Bryan stood tall in the ring.
Backstage Brock Lesnar confronted Seth Rollins. Lesnar said he was the guy who weaseled his way into his WWE Title Match. Rollins said he is the future of the WWE. Lesnar said the future starts when he says it starts. Heyman came in and said they have worked together in the past, and maybe at the Royal Rumble they can work together to get rid of John Cena and then may the best man win. Rollins and Lesnar continued to stare each other down before Lesnar walked away.
Brie Bella defeated Paige after a Tyson Kidd distraction. Paige slapped Kidd after the match.
Macho Man Randy Savage was officially announced as the first member of the 2015 WWE Hall of Fame class.
The Ascension beat a couple of jobbers again.
Doctor Segment #3: Dean Ambrose was in the Doctor’s chair. Ambrose played the doctor and said the “real” doctor was a worthless pile of cow turd and it is weird that he sits when he pees. He got the doctor to sign the papers to pass Ambrose.
Here Comes Dean To Master Something Of Lana’s
Rusev and Lana came out. They thanked the Authority for firing Ryback and Cena for not being able to get his job back. Lana said maybe Ryback could get a job at a deli. Rusev took the mic and said that Ryback doesn’t deserve to be in the same ring as him. Rusev said Ryback is a lucky man because he was fired and their super American John Cena couldn’t get his job back. Rusev said he would have thrown Ryabck out of the Rumble. Dean Ambrose came out and attacked Rusev, sending him in retreat.
A match was happening back from break. Ambrose had control early with a bulldog but Rusev took out the knee of Ambrose and continued to work over it. Rusev went for a superkick but Ambrose moved out of the way and got a roll up for two. Ambrose hit his bounce off the rope clothesline. Ambrose hit an elbow off the top for two. Ambrose favored his injured knee. Rusev continued to work over the knee until the ref stopped the match.
A Civil Contract Signing? Yeah Right
Everyone came out for the contract signing. Paul Heyman called Seth Rollins the brains behind bringing back the Authority. He said Seth had a plan and it was endorsed by Paul Heyman. He said that plan was bad for John Cena, which means it was good for Brock Lesnar. And what is good for Brock Lesnar is best for business. Rollins thanked him but Heyman said he wasn’t done yet. Heyman said Brock will conquer everything before him. Heyman said he doesn’t like a triple threat because it could mean a double cross. Rollins asked Heyman if Brock Lesnar can’t handle a triple threat match. Heyman started talking but Rollins said he wasn’t done this time. Rollins said Lesnar doesn’t have his accomplishments. He built and destroyed the Shield, he’s Mr. Money in the Bank and he’s the future of the WWE.
Lesnar said he will damn sure conquer Seth Rollins. Cena said Brock doesn’t have to get pinned to lose the Title, but he will get pinned. Cena said at the Rumble they are going to kick Seth’s ass then he will kick Brock’s ass. Rollins said there is one flaw in all of this, and that is none of Cena’s plans work. Seth said Cena failed to keep the Authority gone and then get his buddy’s jobs back. Seth said the Rumble will be strike three. Rollins said that is if Cena makes it to the Rumble. Seth went to take out Cena with the MITB briefcase but Cena ducked. Brock took Cena out with a German suplex then a scary looking one to Rollins. Cena AA’d Brock through the table. Rollins took out Cena with a kick to the gut then a Curb Stomp. Rollins then Curb Stomped Lesnar and stood tall to close the show.
Once again a pretty weak show. I actually thought the contract signing was better than most. Seth Rollins came out looking the best out of everyone involved and didn’t look out of place with Cena and Lesnar in the ring. But everything else before that wasn’t so great. The opening with Cena and the Authority was full of so many bad stories. Who cares if Cena leaves with the Title? Brock has done that the last few months. Roman Reigns then delivered an AWFUL promo. It was probably his worst since being back, and that is saying something. Then Dean Ambrose was booked poorly as well. Some of the doctor stuff was funny, but then he was booked like crap in his match with Rusev. There was no good wrestling on the show, just a bunch of average. The Macho Man announcement was exciting and a long time coming. But nothing else about the show was too memorable. I’m giving it a 3. A slight bump up from last week only for Macho Man.
Until Next Time,
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