WWE Total Divas Binge-Watch: The Second Half Season 3

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[With the finale just airing this past week, I figured it was just easier to post all of my thoughts from throughout the season in one giant “binge watch” article instead. Remember, these articles are in the “live blog”-style where I comment on the happenings of the show as it happens.]

Episode 11: Her Highness

– Landing a spot on Total Divas may be even better than winning the Divas title now – money and exposure wise at least.

– I wonder what season will end with the long awaited Bella/Cena wedding.

– It’s amazing how many women I’ve met wearing the “Brie Mode” shirt who’ve never seen another WWE show besides this one.

– John Cena just showed that he’s a stand up guy even in the toughest of personal situations. Suck on that, Brie.

– Already Paige is going to bring a different character to the show. And a character that E! audiences will LOVE!

– Natalya going to a Paige party? That’s like bringing your 40-year-old married sister to a high school kegger.

– I can’t believe Nattie is naive enough to think there are pot brownies out in the open at a WWE party, complete with an E! television crew.

– Except for the constant giggling, Paige is selling the “pot brownies” pretty well.

– I’ve restrained myself in the past but I have to say it… the Bella brother, JJ, is a complete douchebag in every sense of the word. He’s probably loving his new “celebrity” status.

– The timing of this blow up is rather convenient considering SummerSlam is less than a month away.

– The daughter of Jim Neidhart & niece of the legendary Bret “The Hitman” Hart just purposely ran into a dumpster to avoid a drug test. Wow.

– Natalya may be the most awkward Diva ever. And I’m including Nicole Bass & the “EMT” BB.

– Annnnnnnnnnd Paige steals that awkward title from Nattie. Gifts for Nattie’s cats? That was the best peace-offering she could think of?

– I forgot how good Brie/Stephanie was. Stephanie was better here than she ever was in the Attitude Era.

 

Episode 12: Her Baby Not On Board

– Paige is such trouble. She’s the poster child for the barely legal, outgoing, flirt.

– I never thought I’d be watching a wrestling show were a main storyline revolves around a heart-shaped uterus.

– I don’t understand the hoopla surrounding a mistake that revealed a bare ass on TV. The WWE has had so many worse malfunctions.

– Why would Eva Marie even go a fertility doctor to see if she would be able to have children if she never wanted them in the first place?

– A secret rehearsal to set up a staged “wardrobe malfunction?” It’s a good thing this is on a reality show cause Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox would be instantly fired if these two were caught doing something like this by WWE.

– I just can’t process how someone could lie about wanting to have kids & then have the audacity to carry that lie through a wedding and into marriage.

– “Someone went to Carrano!” – It couldn’t have been someone who saw the footage on the E! TV tapes…

– Honestly I thought Eva’s husband handled all of the lying so much better than many men (including myself) would have.

 

Episode 13: Twin Leaks

– She’s not even on the show any more and the Divas still talk shit about Summer Rae. Making friends (and keeping them) isn’t the easiest thing to do in the WWE locker room.

– I feel like Nikki Bella paid for plastic erect nipples as a bonus to her “upgraded” boobs.

– So Nikki is challenging John Cena to a glorified “Double Dare”. Has she never heard of the “Super Cena” moniker?

– At least John couldn’t hold his tongue either and had to call Nikki out on her nipple situation as well.

– Woah! A silicone leak is truly horrific. My heart goes out to Eva in this scary time.

– Natalya doesn’t understand how Paige uses overtly sexual & lesbianism undertones to get her character over? Nattie must be an 80-year-old prude stuck in a WWE Diva’s body.

– And she believes she has nicer breasts than Paige?! I think only TJ may back her up on that one (& maybe not even him).

– I completely understand why Eva wouldn’t WANT to pause her career at the moment but dear Lord, a silicone leak could be life threatening! Get that fixed and now!

– I firmly believe that John Cena has worn more spandex in 3 seasons of Total Divas than in his entire pro-wrestling career.

– And so far he’s even worn a larger variety of costumes in this one episode alone than in all of WWE career.

– Is there any sport that can be considered John Cena’s kryptonite?

– “This is not a tree house. Adults live here.” – fantastic quote from Eva Marie’s husband as she acted like a lazy teenager.

– No, Eva you cancelled your surgery. You don’t have a clue as to how serious this situation is. Maybe you will when you take a stiff clothesline and die in the ring.

– Ah the scripted nature of E! television. Nikki and John’s “friend” (likely E! extra), who is conveniently wearing a new “John Cena fitness” t-shirt, casually exits the shot so that Nikki Bella can toss beer on John. Then he delivers the deadpan one-liner so stiffly it’s as if he’s never seen a TV camera before. Then Nikki and John must have a heart to heart about how they both were in the wrong because they are both too competitive. They kiss and make up, learning the valuable lesson that being too competitive takes the fun out of things. 4-year-olds probably feel like their intelligence is being insulted right now.

– As a husband who loves his wife more than life itself, I would have called her boss too if a situation like this presented itself. Although I would have attempted to approach her co-workers and friends first to see if they could get through to her.

– Please tell me that Nikki Bella is an unbelievable actress… She didn’t realize that silicone breast implants could rupture? Did she do any research whatsoever before paying for gigantic tits?!

 

Episode 14: Insecurity Breach

– So Jonathan (Eva Marie’s husband) had the Bellas fondling his wife’s new boobs while Nikki’s ass & vagina was rubbing on his couch. Interesting night, I’d say.

– Eva Marie thinks she’s out of shape. I guess that means I should renew my “Fat Ass Club” membership. (The donuts are awesome)

– Paige admits to being into girls sometimes in front of the brazenly sexual, bi-curious Rosa Mendes. After hearing Rosa’s comments, I wouldn’t be surprised if she “stumbled” into Paige in the shower.

– Eva talking about how “fat” she sees herself is beginning to piss me off.

– Who is this trainer that thinks hanging a nice row of barbed wire outside of your house is no different from hanging Christmas lights?

– Bad, bad, bad jump Rosa. Paige handled the awkward moment rather well, I thought.

– A crossbow?! Daniel Bryan is the fucking man!

– Only Paige would say something like “…it’s not like I want to… kiss her vagina or something.” Classy.

– Brie Bella is building barbed wire walls surrounding her home without mentioning anything to her husband. That’s simply batshit crazy.

– The artistic exercise with Eva Marie is incredible. It is a fantastic way for those with dangerous body image issues to see tangible proof of the distorted view they have of themselves.

 

Episode 15: Girl vs. Girl Bye

– Hmmm wonder if the WWE is attempting a Macho Man/Miss Elizabeth dynamic with Tyson Kidd and Natalya. That’s just my hopeful thinking concerning Kidd’s career.

– Wow, Nattie’s life is based on the FML website.

– John Cena has a weird custom singlet, the Patriot’s mask and a horse head mask for weight lifting. “The Champ’s” got waaaaaay too much money.

– Now Vinny’s at the “Girl’s Weekend”. I wonder if Ariane has separation anxiety when Vinny goes to the bathroom.

– This episode feels like the E! network just realized that Ariane hasn’t been in the second half of the season at all.

– Alicia Fox isn’t pulling any punches when it comes to Ariane. I can’t really blame her.

– Wait, Foxy thinks that Ariane would be her replacement? Please God no.

– Now Natalya is building forts for her damn cats. I’m glad her priorities are on the damn level.

 

Episode 16: All Hail Brie Mode

– Rosa: “What do you wanna do tonight?” Paige: “Tonight? We’re at a show…”

– Wow Rosa! There’s a fine line between tough love and being a world-class bitch. You hit the level of intergalactic bitch awhile ago.

– Nikki trusted Brie to not drink with the 22-year-old Paige who has been obsessed with the idea of “Brie Mode” lately. Yea, Brie’s screwed.

– While the projectile vomiting wasn’t pleasant, I don’t believe that Nikki hasn’t been in Brie’s position before. Both literally and figuratively.

– It’s fucking amazing that Jim Neidhart was so willing to go to rehab so quickly after he was approached about it. And this is after he was ambushed by it as well.

 

Episode 17: Mo’ Money, Mo’ Purses (Finale – Part 1)

– Seeing Rosa Mendes on this show has completely wiped away any bit of sexiness she once had.

– Leave it to Natalya to be labeled as the “creepy stalker lady” at Cat Fancy.

– Shout out to fellow Loot Crate “Looter” Tyson Kidd and his “cat skull” t-shirt.

– For some reason I don’t think Daniel Bryan will have to struggle to find embarrassing stories for his book.

– Sometimes it’s very easy to forget how young Paige is. This poor dude writes a song for her & she still stuck in the high school fling mentality.

– How can someone NOT be upset that a nude photo of them is being shown around to people? Nikki Bella would be flipping out if she meant to send a nude shot to John Cena and it ended up in Brie’s hands.

– Holy shit! This side of Paige is a fucking biotch.

– JJ should just be happy people aren’t laughing at his hat and his desperate need to be 20 years old again.

– OK definitely weird to see Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox as the voices of reason.

– The men’s locker room catches a lot of slack for “hazing” (and rightfully so) but the women are just as bad, if not worse.

Episode 18: Model Behavior (Finale – Part 2)

– Anyone else out there seeing Paige on Total Divas and are thinking she might douse herself in baby powder to look paler for TV.

– Eva Marie uses her husband as her manager? That has divorce written all over it.

– From “you’re just a good f**k” to ” do you wanna move in with me?” – Paige’s split personalities would give any guy trouble.

– “I can’t take a back bump when I have a baby bump.” – Brie Bella

– It’s a good thing that Paige is so petite since everyone she meets has to carry her around.

– For “WWE’s boy”, Cena’s trying pretty hard to help Nikki out the door.

– I sometimes wish AJ Lee was on some of Total Divas. I would have loved to hear her take on the Survivor Series title swap.

– Woah ho ho! Check out Eva Marie standing up to her husband and being right for once!

– So we end this season with Eva Marie & her husband in a very rocky situation, Paige and her emo-boyfriend “split”, the Bellas BOTH dropping the bomb on WWE that they will not sign another 3-year contract and Natalya not being to get a picture of herself smiling. Well that’s a weird send-off for a weird season. Honestly, the Bellas did have a pretty good run since their return. And even if they only signed 3 years ago because they were getting this reality show, their in-ring work improved dramatically and they’re definitely leaving at the top of their careers. Here’s hoping they find success in all of their future endeavors.

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