Impact Wrestling Quick Hits: Matt Hardy vs Brother Nero- FINAL DELETION

TNA Impact Wrestling Header 2014

-I haven’t watched Impact in a couple years. I’m tuning in tonight to watch this Matt vs Jeff match. It’s going to be so bad that it will be fun.

-The show starts with Matt Hardy and his wife Reba celebrating their son’s birthday. Here comes Matt’s gardener with a gift for Matt’s son. It’s a toy xylophone. Matt tells him to prepare the battlefield for FINAL DELETION!!!

-Mike Bennett is out with Maria. He wants to cash in the X-Division Title for a World Title shot. I remember hating this when it was announced. It essentially devalues the X-Division Title.

-Mike Bennett being with Maria gives me hope for my own romantic life.

-Oh look here comes Dixie Carter. She says Bennett has to face the entire X-Division roster. In an Ultimate X Match. It’s a good thing that the Ultimate X structure happened to be hanging above the ring.

-Good god, has Josh Matthews voice always been this awful? He sounds ridiculous.

Ultimate X Match For The X-Division Championship

-I don’t know a lot of these guys so bare with me.

-Hey there is Pepper Parks! Oh, TNA renamed him Braxton Sutter. Anyways, he is from my hometown of Buffalo and I’ve seen him wrestle a couple of times. Glad to see he is getting a national opportunity.

-Sutter kicks Rockstar Spud in the face and legit knocks some of Spud’s teeth out. Ouch.

-Everyone gets a “do a cool move” spot.

-Mike Bennett tries jumping for the Title. After doing that for a minute, he finally decided to start to climb on the rope. Man, Bennett has no faith in his upper body strength.

-Now everybody gets to hit a dive to the outside.

-This guy apparently named Mandrews climbs to the top of steel and hits a moonsault to the outside. Cool spot. Unfortunately, they used a shot of everyone awkwardly standing on the floor waiting for him to dive.

-Eddie Edwards scales the rope. Mike Bennett tries climbing a ladder, but Edwards knocked him off and grabbed the Title to become the new X-Division Champion.

King of the Mountain Championship: Eli Drake (c) vs James Storm

-Is Storm TNA’s version of Alberto del Rio. Does he just “think of the money” when he goes out to wrestle?

-So Eli Drake just shouts his name every time he hits a big move?

-Drake gets himself intentionally DQ’d after Storm starts his comeback. Then yells his name again.

Street Fight: Marti Bell vs Jade

-The first few spots in this match took way too long to set up, and you could see the competitors getting ready for them.

-Ah, the old “heel in the garbage can” spot. I’ve always had a soft spot for that one.

-Bell brings in a baton, but Jade has nunchucks. Do they glow in the dark???

-Jade wins the match. Kind of sloppy and VERY slow.

-OH. MY. GOD. Matt sends a bunch of drones into Jeff’s house. Jeff destroys a bunch of them. Then one plays a video message of Matt telling him to fight him tonight in Cameron. Matt then drives a lawnmower over Jeff’s designed front yard.

-Mike Bennett is out with Maria again complaining about his loss. Out comes TNA executive Billy Corgan. Yes, you read that right.

-Maria said she should be President of TNA Wrestling. I mean, she couldn’t do worse right?

-Dixie comes out. Maria asks Dixie, “What’s it gonna be? Me Or You?” About 30 times.

-Billy Corgan tells Bennett and Maria if they want to quit, he will hold the door for them. They say no, and they will now ruin Destination X. Oh no!

-Matt Hardy has his gardener prepare the battlefield. He builds the ring, throws some weapons under it, gets a bucket of fireworks, then digs a whole. Matt brings him some gasoline from his latest landscaping escapade. Matt said it takes a lot of fire to delete a Brother Nero.

The Bromans and Raquel vs Abyss, Crazzy Steve and Rosemary (aka Decay)

-So this is the latest version of Abyss huh? I liked OG Abyss and even Joseph Park wasn’t bad.

-The Bromans show a video of Rosemary making out with Bram. That’s bad apparently. She wants Bram with them and Abyss and Crazy Steve don’t want him.

-The Bromans win. Never really was a fan of them and am kind of surprised they are still a thing.

Eddie Edwards Decision

-Before Edwards can make his decision, Bobby Lashley comes out.

-Lashley says he is the most dominant wrestler in the world today. Edwards runs down the list of injuries he has had and the matches he’s won with them.

-Lashley keeps saying he ends people’s career. He hasn’t pronounced the “s” once.

-Edwards says he isn’t scared. Lashley proposes a Title for Title match. Edwards accepts. Lashley delivers a belly-to-belly, but Edwards comes back with a knee to the head.

-Drew Galloway and EC3 do a split screen interview. They end up challenging each other to a fight next week at Destination X.

FINAL DELETION: Matt Hardy vs Brother Nero 

-Matt asks the ref that shows up if he is a licensed official. He says he is only there to take the pinfall or submission, and to not resuscitate Brother Nero. Matt plays the violin to get Jeff to appear.

-The match starts. Jeff gets a fence with leaves on it and throws Matt into it.

-Matt gets the upperhand and uses a kendo stick on Brother Nero. Matt then gets a ladder and chokes Brother Nero with it.

-Brother Nero hits the Twist of Fate and Swanton but only gets two.

-Brother Nero sets Jeff up on a ladder in the ring. He then climbs a tree and goes to dive onto Matt. But he misses and hits the ladder, but still gets the pin attempt?

-Matt gets some fireworks and shoots them at Brother Nero across the ring.

-Matt tells Brother Nero it’s over. But Matt says “Oh shit” and realizes that Brother Nero has his own fireworks and shoots them at Matt. Matt hides under a boat.

-Matt drops Brother Nero in the water and says he has been flushed. But out comes WILLOW to choke Matt. Matt’s gardener tries to save him but Willow chases him away. Matt pins Willow, but takes off the mask to reveal his gardener.

-Brother Nero attacks Matt and leaves him in a dirt pit. Brother Nero climbs his symbol, but Matt gets a candle from Reba to set it on fire. Brother Nero falls off, and Matt pins him to get the win.

Listen, I simply turned in for this match and watched the rest of the show. TNA knew they were going to get eyes on this show tonight. And I don’t think they did a good of keeping people interested past this week. Nothing memorable really happened outside of the Final Deletion Match. The X Division match was okay but not great. The women’s match was way too slow. Everything else was bland and not attention getting. The Final Deletion match was the worst greatest match I’ve ever seen. It served its purpose of providing entertainment for the people who tuned in. Credit to TNA for going all in with this angle and getting people talking about it.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka