-Justin C here this week as Heather is stuck working. And I’m battling a cold but damn it I’m here for you!
-The video recap for the Festival of Friendship took up the first five minutes of RAW. It might be better than anything else on the show tonight.
Kevin Owens Segment
-Owens talks about Goldberg, completely ignoring what happened with Chris Jericho. He says Goldberg never impressed him. Not in WCW and surely not now.
-Owens says Lesnar took Goldberg lightly. Owens says everyone doubts he can win. But he knows he is retaining the Universal Title at Fastlane.
-Owens says he knows how to beat Goldberg. And the answer is a cattle prod. But Owens says he will also outlast Goldberg in the ring. He also must have watched Kevin Nash shoot videos.
-KO says he is going to prove at Fastlane that superheros don’t exist.
-KO says as far as Chris Jericho goes, then drops the mic and walks off. Great promo by Owens. He came off as a true heel there.
#1 Contenders Match: Enzo and Cass vs Cesaro and Sheamus
-I know Heather hates Enzo and Cass. I don’t hate them as much as her, but I’m not their biggest fans. I started to turn during the Enzo/Rusev storyline. But of course, who could hate “Handsome” Rusev?
-Cesaro runs all the way around the ring then delivers an uppercut to Enzo on the barricade.
-Back from break Enzo is playing the babyface in peril, which might be the only thing he is good at inside the wrestling ring.
-Enzo dives for the hot tag but eats a Cesaro uppercut FROM OUT OF NOWHERE.
-Big Cass gets the hot tag and goes to work until Cesaro makes the blind tag. Cesaro hits an uppercut and goes for the swing. But Enzo stops him. This allows Big Cass to pick up the win.
-After the match Enzo is bragging a little on the mic and gets a Brouge Kick from Sheamus.
WINNERS and #1 Contenders For The RAW Tag Titles: Enzo and Cass- Meh. Enzo and Cass pretty much wrestle the same match all the time in the ring. Hopefully Gallows and Anderson pull a good match out of them.
THE Brian Kendrick vs Akira Tozawa
-Brian Kendrick, still a thing in the Cruiserweight division for some reason.
-Tozawa refused to shake Kendrick’s hand so Kendrick jumped him and slammed Tozawa’s head on the steel post. He then applied the Captain’s Hook.
2-on-1 Handicap Match: Roman Reigns vs Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
-And how will The Club look awful against Roman Reigns this week?
-Gallows catches Roman with a nice boot to the face on the outside.
-Gallows brings a chair into the match, but Reigns hits Gallows and takes it. He uses it on the tag Champs, causing a DQ.
-They brawl after, Roman superman punches Gallows then catches Anderson with a spear off the top.
WINNERS via DQ: The Club- The WWE does realize this is why Roman Reigns isn’t over right? He just made the tag champs look like chumps again. Just give the Club the damn win. Will the crowd really think less of Roman if he loses a 2-on-1 handicap match?
New Day vs “Handsome” Rusev and Jinder Mahal
-New Day says they have digital plans now for their ice cream so no one can take it. They are also the host for Wrestlemania.
-Lana has an iPad and has apparently stolen the plans for the ice cream! Big E points out that she is Russian, implying that she is a hacker.
-Paint by the numbers tag match. Xaiver scares Lana’s iPad away from her and New Day wins.
WINNERS: New Day- Shouldn’t Xaiver Woods be arrested for theft?
Cruiserweight Title Contract Signing
-Neville comes to the signing in his wrestling gear. He must be new to these.
-Neville goes to leave, but Gallagher offers him tea and biscuits to stick around.
-Neville says Gallagher is everything the WWE people think a British person is. Neville represents the real streets of London.
-Gallagher says he will not stand for Neville thinking he is better than everyone else.
-THERE GOES THE TABLE! Neville flips it over, wasting the tea and biscuits. Gallagher attacks Neville and delivers his trademark headbutt.
-Nia Jax beat a jobber. She then put the Women’s Champ ON NOTICE!!!
Bayley/Charlotte/Sasha Banks Segment
-Bayley says she always dreamed of being Women’s Champ and she still doesn’t know how to put it into words.
-Bayley thanks her dad who is in the crowd but then Stephanie McMahon comes out to ruin things.
-Stephanie immediately calls out Sasha helping her out last week.
-Stephanie asks Bayley if she really wants to hold a Championship she didn’t earn. Steph says Bayley is better than that.
-Stephanie says Bayley should win the Championship for the right reasons. Bayley looks ready to hand the Title over but Sasha Banks comes out.
-Sasha tells Bayley to not listen to this garbage and listen to the WWE Universe.
-Bayley says hello no she is not handing over the Women’s Championship.
-Charlotte comes out and says she is using her rematch clause at Fastlane to take back her Title. Sasha challenges Charlotte to a match. Charlotte accepts and says she will put Sasha in a wheelchair forever.
Charlotte vs Sasha Banks
-This is why the RAW Women’s Division needs new life. It’s the same three women in the main event scene since the Draft.
-Charlotte is in control into and back commercial break.
-Sasha starts her comeback. She hits the double knees on the outside. Bayley stops Dana Brooke from interfering, allowing Sasha to apply the Banks Statement as Charlotte taps.
WINNER: Sasha Banks- A much abbreviated version of these twos other matches.
Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn
-Before Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn can start, Samoa Joe attacks Zayn coming to the ring. Joe tosses him into the ringpost three times then hits a running senton on the floor.
-Zayn needs to find El Generico to be his tag partner.
-Sami says he is good to go, but he gets destroyed by KO who picks up the win with the pop-up powerbomb.
WINNER: Kevin Owens
-Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon have an argument. Mick tells Steph to not treat him like a child and goes off on her. Steph tells Mick to be careful of the cord on the floor, she wouldn’t want him to have an accident.
Brock Lesnar “Live” Interview
-This interview is about as live as the Easter Bunny is real.
-This pretty much confirmed my fears: Paul Heyman made it sound like Brock wants Goldberg to win at Fastlane so Brock can beat Goldberg and win the Universal Title.
BRAUN Strowman vs Big Show
-The crew is “reinforcing the ring” or making it looser for a cool broken ring spot later.
-WE HAVE CHAIN WRESTLING FOLKS.
-BRAUN DOES A KIP UP!!!
-Show shoves BRAUN down. But BRAUN comes back with a clothesline knocking Show down.
-BRAUN is in control. He blocks a chokeslam attempt and hits a DDT for two.
-Both men fight to deliver a suplex until Big Show is able to land it.
-Big Show hits a chokeslam but only gets two.
-They go to the top to tease the superplex spot. BRAUN knocks Big Show off. BRAUN jumps but Big Show hits the KO punch. Show only gets two.
-BRAUN escapes a Vader Bomb. BRAUN struggles to get the powerslam but only gets two.
-BRAUN then delivers another powerslam for the win.
-After the match Roman Reigns comes out. He hits two Superman Punches and goes for a Spear but CRUISER BRAUN hits a flying dropkick then the running powerslam on Reigns to close the show.
WINNER: BRAUN Strowman- That was actually a good match. Both men busted their asses to make it work and the crowd was into it, which is what mattered. BRAUN looked strong at the end as the WWE continues to build him up strong. Hopefully not to feed to Reigns.
Until Next Time,
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka