Quick Hits: WWE RAW 3.27.17

-During the opening intro a bunch of Undertaker titantron clips played. He’s hacking RAW.

-Bayley comes out to talk about being excited for Wrestlemania. You know, I don’t think these promos are going to work for her in the long run.

-Here comes Charlotte to rip on Bayley and tells her Sasha is the only reason she is Women’s Champion. Sasha comes out and Nia does as well.

-Somewhere Teddy Long is itching to make a tag team match.

-Sasha attacks Charlotte and apparently a tag match was already on the horizon as we go to commercial.

Charlotte and Nia Jax vs Bayley and Sasha Banks

-Sasha and Charlotte brawl on the outside. Nia comes in but Bayley gets the tag and they connect on a double dropkick.

-Bayley gets worked over until she makes the hot tag to Sasha. Nia comes in and knocks Sasha off the apron into commercial.

-Nia hits a handful of elbows on Sasha while Charlotte hits a handful of back breakers.

-Charlotte misses a splash and goes right into Nia Jax in the corner, allowing Sasha to tag Bayley.

-Charlotte puts Bayley’s knee in the ropes and drops the leg on it. Sasha breaks up the Figure Four.

-Sasha rams Nia into the ringpost, then Bayley hits the Bayley-to-Belly on Charlotte for the win.

-Nia Jax takes out all three women after the match. See, that’s what should have been done since the beginning.

WINNERS: Bayley and Sasha Banks

-Sami says he will be in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal. Steph says he will have to earn it in a No DQ match against Kevin Owens. Otherwise he will be fired.

Austin Aries vs Noam Dar w/Alica FFUUUUXXXXXX

-Dar blows a kiss to Fox but then immediately eats an Aries dropkick.

-Back from break Dar is laying the boots to Aries in the corner.

-Aries tosses Dar into the corner then tilt-a-whirl face plants him on the mat, but it looked like Dar almost slipped out of Aries grasp.

-Aries hits a suicide dive and then a neckbreaker on the middle rope. He then hits the discus forearm and the Last Chancery for the win.

WINNER: Austin Aries

Seth Rollins/Triple H Hold Harmless Agreement

-Why do you have to sign a contract for a non-sanctioned match at Wrestlemania?

-Before Triple H got in the ring, he said if Rollins attacks him before the document is signed the match is off. But isn’t it technically off if it’s non-sanctioned?

-Triple H tells Seth to sit in the chair. Rollins initially refuses, but HHH says the match is off if he doesn’t. Rollins does.

-Triple H says by signing the contract, Rollins gives up all of his rights and he can’t sue anyone if he is injured.

-Dad, I mean Triple H, says if everyone doesn’t hate you then you aren’t living up to your full potential.

-Triple H calls Seth Rollins a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. And they’ve never won an ass kicking contest. Well fuck you Zach Gowen! Hunter said Rollins may be walking into Wrestlemania, but he won’t be walking out.

-Rollins said that is the same bull crap he heard when he first worked with Triple H.

-Rollins said this is about redemption. He said he gave up everything to go along side Triple H. Rollins said he will stop at nothing to get back to where he was before he met Triple H.

-Rollins signed the contract, but Triple H then kicked the table into Rollins bad knee.

-Triple H goes to use the crutch, but Rollins hits an enziguri. Triple H goes back to the bad knee, but Rollins tosses him to the outside. HHH comes back in and Rollins uses the crutch on him so Triple H bails.

JC’s Take: Rollins could have used a stronger promo there. It wasn’t bad, but the crowd didn’t fully buy into it. Of course this crowd also started a second stupid “CM Punk” chant during this match so they aren’t the greatest. Rollins looked good, but it needed to be better.

Over The Top Rope BATTLE ROYAL CHALLENGE

-Seriously? Why is this a thing? Do we need a preview for this?

-Jinder and Big Show start. Jinder gets tossed quickly. Bo Dallas is next and he gets tossed too.

-The Shining Stars meet the same fate. Just get to BRAUN already.

-Big Show is tossed out by Goldust, R-Truth, Curtis Axel and everyone else already eliminated.

-Show comes back in KO Punches everyone. BRAUN comes out and says he knows everyone wants to see him kick Show’s ass, but they will have to wait until Wrestlemania.

-Gallows and Anderson take out Sheamus and Cesaro with a ladder backstage. Hmmmmm

Neville vs Jack Gallagher

-Early back and forth then Neville tosses Gallagher into the ropes and hits a quick release German suplex.

-Gallagher jumps off the top with his umbrella, but Neville recovers and hits the superplex then into the Rings of Saturn for the win.

WINNER: Neville

-We get an Austin Aries Special Report with the New Day! He asks them who will walk out WWE Cruiserweight Champion to the New Day dance. They say it will be A-Double.

Roman Reigns/Undertaker Segment

-Roman said this is his house now, as well as his yard. So he is infringing on Taker and Paige’s territory.

-Taker appears on the screen in a graveyard. He says at Wrestlemania, the Roman Empire will fall. And at the Ultimate Thrill Ride, it will he his last ride. Taker saying Ultimate Thrill Ride is just so weird.

-Taker appears in the ring and tells Roman he will Rest in Peace at Wrestlemania. Roman stares as the lights go out. Okay?

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs Big Cass and Enzo Amore

-Enzo and Cass come out and bring up “Talking About Practice” because they are in Philadelphia.

-As Anderson and Gallows walk to the ring, Cesaro and Sheamus take them out with a ladder.

-The ladder ends up in the ring. Everyone gets a turn with it, but Gallows and Anderson end up taking everyone out with it in the end.

No DQ Match: Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn

-The action quickly spills to the outside where Owens pushes Zayn off the barricade.

-Owens slams Zayn into the announce table a few times.

-Zayn comes back and hits a swanton off the stage onto Owens.

-Back from break Owens hits a seated senton on Zayn on the floor.

-Zayn stops a running Owens and hits an Exploder Suplex followed by his through the ropes tornado DDT.

-Owens catches Zayn with a superkick then hits a frog splash for two. I’m wondering why this is a No DQ match.

-Samoa Joe comes out, but Jericho sneaks up on him from behind. Zayn rolls up Owens for the win.

-After the match Jericho takes out Owens with a chair. Jericho then puts Owens on the list.

WINNER: Sami Zayn

Goldberg/Brock Lesnar Showdown

-Heyman talks about being Universal Champion means being the centerpiece of the number one show. When did the Universal Title move to Smackdown Live?

-Heyman is now shilling the WWE Network. Why? He says this Sunday Goldberg is going to Suplex City where he checks in but doesn’t check out.

-Goldberg decides to come out. He said people came to see them fight. Goldberg charges the ring and spears Lesnar on the outside.

-That’s the end of the show. Seriously.

OVERALL: If you were on the fence about Wrestlemania, that show probably did nothing for you. Paul Heyman couldn’t even spin the Goldberg/Lesnar match into gold. It was awful. I don’t know why anyone wants to see it, and it’ll be an embarrassment when the match goes two minutes. The Rollins/HHH segment was fine, but it was just missing that extra something to add the fire to it. Reigns/Taker is the paint by the numbers feud that Taker has done at the last two Manias. Everything else felt like a normal RAW. I just am not getting into the RAW side of things for Mania.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

 

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