Quick Hits: WWE RAW 5.8.17
-Justin C here filling in for Heather tonight. If I have to write about RAW after how bad it’s been in recent weeks (or months or years) then I may need some alcohol.
-Dean Ambrose is walking in the back and gets a call from Kurt Angle. He then goes to the ring. Apparently Kurt named Dean Ambrose acting GM tonight. Titties being mastered all night!
-Miz interrupts. He said Stephanie McMahon made him the co-GM tonight. Great, more authority figures!
-Miz brags about beating Seth Rollins and Finn Balor last week. Ambrose offers a respectful handshake but is interrupted by BRRRRAAAUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
-BRAUN says that as long as Roman Reigns is able to walk, he isn’t finished with him. BRAUN says that he doesn’t care who is in charge. He will get what he wants. First Roman Reigns, then Brock Lesnar.
-Drago, I mean Kalisto, comes out to absolutely zero pop. Kalisto still wants a match with BRAUN. BRAUN says Kalisto won on a technicality and he crushed Kalisto like a beer can. BRAUN says he could be Kalisto with one arm.
-Dean says that’s the match then. BRAUN vs Kalisto. Dean then makes Miz vs Finn Balor next.
The Miz w/Maryse vs Finn Balor
-Finn enziguri kicks Miz to the outside then dropkicks him into the post. Maryse saves Miz from Finn coming off the top into commercial.
-Miz back in control after the break thanks to Maryse.
-Miz boots Finn in the face but Finn bounces right back with a Pele Kick.
-During Finn’s comeback, Maryse gets on the apron. Miz throws Finn into the ref. Miz bails and says he can’t allow a WWE superstar to put his hands on an official and demands the ref ring the bell. Miz wins via DQ.
-NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND. Dean Ambrose comes out and says No DQ’s so the match restarts. Finn hits the Sling Blade then the Coup de Grace for the win.
WINNER: Finn Balor
-Nia asks Alexa why she didn’t say anything about her during her coronation last week. Alexa says she doesn’t remember. Nia asks Alexa if Alexa meant it when she said Nia was great. Alexa says of course. Nia wants a title shot, but Alexa says that is up to Kurt Angle. Why doesn’t Nia go to Dean? Nia said that until she gets her Title match, Alexa has a new best friend.
Alexa Bliss w/Nia Jax vs Mickie James
-Mickie comes out with Bayley. Apparently Mickie doesn’t know Nia Jax beat Bayley multiple times.
-The crowd is singing their Bayley song during Mickie James comeback. Nothing special so far in this match.
-Nia distracts Mickie. Bayley comes over with a crossbody to Nia. Alexa DDT’s Mickie for the win.
-Nia splashes Mickie in the corner then elbow drops her in the gut.
WINNER: Alexa Bliss
-Miz makes Dean Ambrose vs Bray Wyatt. I hope Dean has all the TVs removed from the building!
-Samoa Joe interview is interrupted by Seth Rollins and they brawl.
Kalisto vs BRAUN Strowman
-BRAUN tells Dean to shove it and he isn’t accepting this match because he is injured. BRAUN calls Roman a coward who won’t face him man-to-man.
-BRAUN goes to walk off, the ref rings the bell, then BOOM kick to the face by BRAUN.
-Roman Reigns comes out. He goes right after BRAUN’s injured arm in the sling. He hits some Superman Punches.
-On the outside, BRAUN kicks Reigns. But BRAUN goes right into the post. Reigns slams BRAUN’s arm into the post multiple times. Reigns then uses a steel chair to BRAUN’s arm until BRAUN retreats.
-Cole says “Who is the coward now?” Well Cole, Reigns did just attack an injured BRAUN with a chair.
Tag Team Turmoil Match
-Enzo/Cass and Sheamus/Cesaro start off. I have the same amount of disdain for Enzo and Cass as Heather does. They did the same promo like they do every week to start.
-Enzo gets distracted by Cesaro, allowing Sheamus to hit the Irish Curse Backbreaker.
-Cesaro uppercuts Enzo to the back of the neck then applies the Sharpshooter. Enzo taps. I wonder if he will ever win a match.
***Enzo and Cass Eliminated****
-Next up are Heath Slater and Rhyno and they brawl before even getting into the ring.
-Cesaro and Sheamus continue to beat down Slater in the ring while Rhyno struggles to get to the apron.
-Slater shoves Sheamus into Cesaro. Slater goes for the tag but Rhyno is still injured on the outside. Sheamus comes back in and hits the Brogue Kick to eliminate Slater and Rhyno.
***Heath Slater and Rhyno Eliminated***
-The Club is out next. All four men end up being down after they hit signature moves.
-Back from break Sheamus hits a quick Brogue Kick on Gallows and The Club is eliminated.
***The Club Eliminated***
-Out comes the Golden Truth. Pretty convenient that they got the final spot.
-Goldust is a ball of fire early on. But the action goes to the outside where Cesaro drops Goldust’s knee on the barricade.
-Cesaro mocks Goldust and then puts him in a Sharpshooter but R-Truth runs in to break it up.
-R-Truth gets the hot tag and goes to work. He is able to hit the Lie Detector but Cesaro kicks out. Truth charges but Cesaro moves so Cesaro rolls him up to pick up the win.
-After the match Cesaro and Sheamus attack the Golden Truth. The Hardyz come out after but Sheamus and Cesaro bail again.
WINNERS: Sheamus and Cesaro
Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe
-Both men start brawling right away. Rollins drops Seth face first into the turnbuckle.
-The action goes outside where Joe whips Rollins into the barricade.
-Rollins catches Joe with a Slingbade but Joe comes right back with an elbow to the face.
-Joe goes back to the injured knee of Rollins.
-Rollins escapes the Coquina Clutch and hits a couple of suicide dives to the outside. Back in the ring Rollins hits the Falcon Arrow for two.
-Rollins rips off the turnbuckle pad trying to escape the clutches of Joe. Joe then throws Rollins into the turnbuckle chest first.
-Joe rips the pad away from the ref then throws Rollins into the turnbuckle again. The ref calls for a DQ.
WINNER via DQ: Seth Rollins
Jack Gallagher vs TJP
-Gallagher catches TJP with a quick headbutt but only gets two.
-TJP slams Gallagher into the steps on the outside.
-TJP wins with a rollup and holds the tights. Austin Aries runs in to save Gallagher after.
Sasha Banks vs Alicia Fox
-Sasha made quick work of Foxy. This show is like a glorified house show.
WINNER: Sasha Banks
Dean Ambrose vs Bray Wyatt
-Ambrose hits a suicide dive to the outside. I feel like that is the hundredth time that move has happened tonight. Bray hits Ambrose with a hard suplex on the floor.
-Bray has the chinlock of death applied on Ambrose. I guess Orton still lives with him a little bit.
-Bray misses a move off the top and Ambrose starts his comeback. Ambrose goes to the top but Bray bails to the outside, so Ambrose jumps off the top and hits Bray with an elbow.
-Miz and Maryse, who were on commentary, wander to ringside. Bray hits his chokeslam for two.
-Both men go to the top. Ambrose knocks Bray off. Bray catches Ambrose with an uppercut off the top but Dean comes right back with a clothesline.
-Miz takes Ambrose’s IC Title but Ambrose takes him out with a suicide dive.
-Miz catches Ambrose with a shot to the head with the IC Title. Bray then hits Sister Abigail for the win.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose
OVERALL: I literally could just type the word boring and be done with it. This felt like a house show, but with less interaction between the wrestlers and the fans like at a normal house show. I don’t get why they played up the Golden Truth angle, then have them lose in short order. They wasted Joe and Rollins in a long match. Sure there was no clean finish, but it should have been an all out brawl between both men. The dueling GM thing was dumb as well. Just a bad show overall.
Until Next Time,
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka