Justin C Watches WCW Great American Bash 1999

My WCW viewing has brought me to the 1999 Great American Bash. The main event of the show is Randy Savage vs Kevin Nash. On the Nitro before the PPV, Nash was trapped in a limo and struck by the infamous White Hummer that we never found out who drove until 2000, when Eric Bischoff said it was him.

WCW is in a bad spot right now. The mid-card is finally getting over, but they can’t get past using old stars like Nash, Savage, Flair and Piper. Hogan is on the shelf. For some reason Goldberg is nowhere to be found over the last few weeks because he is filming a movie. I’d almost rather be watching Russo land WCW in 2000. I’m sure I will regret saying that when I get to it.

The Nash/Savage feud is literally based around shit. Nash pumped some sewage into Savage’s limo, then Nash had a woman dump more sewage on Savage in the ring. Then the White Hummer incident happened. Savage is pretty roided up going into this match. And Nash was never a guy who could carry a match so this will be bad. WCW is also playing hot potato with their Titles. Most evident with the Tag Titles. We will get to that when it comes. Now lets get to this PPV.

The show starts with Master P and the No Limit Soldiers arriving. Curt Hennig meets them and says he is a big fan and wants an autograph. Master P, clearly showing he doesn’t watch the show, gives Hennig one. Hennig rips it up and Master P is “held back” and the Soldiers “chase” him.

Kendo Stick Match: Brian Knobbs vs Hak

Brian Knobbs is living proof that being friends with Hulk Hogan keeps you a job. He’s an awful wrestler. He tells us it is Miss Nasty’s birthday and he promised her a win. That’s great. He calls a Kendo Stick match a sissy match and wants to make it a full on hardcore match. If that’s the case then why didn’t you ask for that match when it was first made you idiot?

There’s the typical no-selling that is involved in WCW Hardcore matches. Hak misses Knobbs with a swanton off the ladder. Knobbs runs into a chair held by Jimmy Hart and Hak then blasts him with a kendo stick for the win. After the match Hugh Morris comes out and helps Knobbs beat up Hak. Short and relatively inoffensive.

WINNER: Hak

Mikey Whipwreck vs Van Hammer

ECW must have been really screwing people if Mikey Whipwreck decided to jump ship to WCW. WCW also had to be really stupid to spend whatever money they did on him. Why would you sign that guy?

Speaking of wastes of money, here comes Van Hammer. Van Hammer was in WCW from 1991-1993 and then came back in early 1994 and was there until 2000. And he doesn’t have one memorable moment in the company and was an absolute shit wrestler. What kind of dirt did he have on the higher ups in WCW to keep a job that long. More importantly, did WCW even realize that Van Hammer was employed during this time frame?

The crowd gives this match a boring chant two minutes in. Van Hammer is delivering some of the most bland offense ever to Whipwreck. Whipwreck hits a couple of corssbodies but gets caught the third time and gets thrown down. Van Hammer hits a Cobra Clutch slam for the win. Jinder Mahal actually does the move better. That might be the only thing Jinder Mahal does better than anyone. Oh man, could you imagine a Jinder Mahal vs Van Hammer match? If there is a match that could put a crowd to sleep it would probably be that one.

WINNER: Van Hammer

Disco Inferno vs Buff Bagwell

Buff Bagwell is really over here. Imagine how much more over he would have been if they turned him face when he first came back from his serious neck injury. Schiavone and Heenan say Bagwell is going to lead WCW into the next millennium. I guess if they meant lead them into closing they were technically right. Both of these men want better opportunities and Piper promised Bagwell that if Piper wins later.

Heenan and Tenay keep interrupting Schiavone during the show so far and it is hilarious listening to Schiavone get mad about it. You could almost tell these three knew the ship was quickly sinking.

There is so much stalling going on early in this match you would think they were told to stretch the match out. Why not give that opportunity to two good wrestlers? Disco crotches Bagwell in the corner and it makes me wonder if all those shots during the year hurt his jiggalo business. Bagwell hits the Last Dance, which is a Stone Cold Stunner. Can you imagine how stupid that made Disco look in 1999? “Hey, let me copy the move of the most over wrestler in the business right now. That’ll make me look good.” It made him look like a second rate rip off. Bagwell finally hits the Blockbuster for the win. Meh.

WINNER: Buff Bagwell

Curt Hennig and Bobby Duncum Jr. vs Rey Mysterio and Konnan

Ah the West Texas Rednecks. One of the few good things about WCW in 1999. I mean country western and rap are both pretty bad in my eyes, but this gimmick was fun. Konnan and Rey come out in gas masks, likely because WCW’s booking was the literal shits during this time and it smelled awful backstage. Konnan says something about Hennig and Duncum being for life, which makes zero sense. Konnan literally cuts the same promo every time he is out there. How did this guy get over? Master P and the No Limit Soldiers are ringside and look about as interested as someone waiting to get their car fixed.

Master P slaps Hennig from behind. Heenan says it is uncalled for and he’s right. Why wasn’t Master P ejected from the building? Duncum catches Rey off the top with a backbreaker and the heels start to work Rey over. Schiavone says Master P and the No Limit Soldiers are concerned for Rey as they look on. They actually look like they have no clue what to do. And should they? They are getting paid $2 million to be there. Rey makes a tag but the ref doesn’t see it. Konnan finally gets the tag. Barry Windham comes running in to fight Konnan. Some guy named Big Swoll? of the Soliders shoulder tackles Duncum and Rey gets the win. Security finally clears out the Soldiers. Doug Dillinger and company should have done that 15 minutes ago. Inoffensive match but it was mostly the heels working over and slowing down Rey the whole match.

WINNERS: Rey Mysterio and Konnan

The Cat vs Scott Norton

For some reason the nWo is still a think. The Wolfpac is dead but we still have these c, actually probably more like  players bringing the nWo colors down to their level. I know that Norton was over in Japan but he is awful in WCW. And speaking of awful, his opponent is Ernest Miller. Again, it must be good to be friends with the higher ups in WCW.

Out comes Horace Hogan. He says everyone here would love to see him kick the crap out of Miller. I’m sure everyone would rather see almost anyone else on the roster come out and do that. So now it is Horace Hogan vs Ernest Miller. It could also be called “I have a job because of Hulk Hogan vs I have a job because of Eric Bischoff.”

You could probably hear people peeing in the bathrooms because the crowd is so quiet for this match. Schiavone wonders where Scott Norton is and I’m just wondering why this match is still happening. Schiavone then says The Cat’s matches are always brutal. If by brutal he means brutal to watch then he’s not lying. Sonny Ohno gets a hard shoe out of his briefcase and Cat uses it to take out Hogan for the win. Well there is five minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

WINNER: The Cat

Ric Flair vs Roddy Piper

This match is for control of WCW, because last month at Slamboree they had a typical WCW fuck it finish and no one knew the exact outcome of the match. Asya, WCW’s Chyna rip off, is out there along with Arn Anderson. I hate seeing Flair and Piper wrestling in a match like this in 1999. At least they were making good money.

If you enjoy watching a wrestling match straight out of the 1970s then this is the match for you. Punch, chop, kick, punch, backdrop, backslide, etc. Flair hits a couple of low blows and tosses Piper to the outside so Arn Anderson can beat on him. Piper regains control after Flair goes to the top and Piper powerslams him. You would think Flair would stop doing that after not hitting it all these years. Flair applies the Figure Four. Arn helps him with leverage. Buff Bagwell comes out and the match gets thrown out. Bagwell brawls with Flair. Piper, who said he would help Bagwell if he won, then beats up Bagwell. Now Flair, Piper and Arn all beat up Bagwell.

What in the actual fuck? If both of these men were in charge, kayfabe speaking, of WCW at the time then why even have the match if you are going to work together. The ref gives the match to Flair via DQ. So maybe Piper helped because of that? It is still a stupid booking decision overall. Is Piper a heel now?

WINNER via DQ: Ric Flair

Rick Steiner vs Sting

This is a No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere Match. I guess that is going to make this a little more entertaining? The match is also non-Title because not even Sting wants the TV Title. Sting looks disinterested. You have to wonder if even he knew the writing was on the wall at this point.

Sting misses a Stinger Splash on the outside. Ric pulls up the floor mat and drops Sting on the floor. This is about as much of a No DQ match as Seth Rollins vs Triple H at Wrestlemania was. Why announce that stipulation if this is what you are going to do?

After about ten minutes of boring wrestling, they finally brawl up the ramp to the back. Tank Abbott is there to choke Sting. Scott Steiner then sends two dobermans to attack along with a rottweiler and they “cut away.” The crowd chants bullshit and they are absolutely right. The crowd so a boring match then it ends in the back. What a shit ending and if I was in the crowd I might have walked out at that point. Scott and Rick come out and Scott shits on WCW and forces the ref to declare Rick the winner so he does.

WINNER: Rick Steiner

WCW Tag Title Match: Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn (c) vs Diamond Dallas Page and Kanyon

So here is how this all came down: Page and Bigelow wanted a match with then Champions Raven and Saturn on this show. Page and Bigelow jumped Raven. Kanyon stepped in when Page and Bigelow wanted a match that night. Page knocked out Kanyon with one punch after jumping Kanyon in the back so Page and Bigelow won the match. Flair tried to get Benoit back with the Horsemen, so he offered to team with Benoit to get the Titles back. But Flair left, so Saturn stepped in mid-match and won the match with Benoit. After the match, Kanyon came out and turned on Saturn. Now Page, Bigelow and Kanyon are heels called the Jersey Triad. Flair over turned that, but Benoit and Saturn still won the Titles on Thunder. Everyone up to speed?

This will probably be the best match on the show. It sucks to know that Saturn is in such an awful state right now because what I’ve learned from rewatching all this WCW is that he was an underrated worker. Of course Saturn isn’t in as bad of state as Benoit, who is probably rotting in hell as we speak. Once again, this match is way too much of the heels working over the faces for too damn long. I think Benoit and Saturn have had a total of about two minutes of control ten minutes into the match. Benoit finally gets a tag after what seems like forever. Benoit hits a top rope headbutt while DDP hits a Diamond Cutter on Saturn. Dean Malenko comes down to help Saturn as Benoit has the Crossface on. For some reason, the ref is admonishing Malenko for over a minute while he is just helping Saturn up. DDP and Bigelow hit a toss into a Diamond Cutter and get the win.

WINNERS: Kanyon and Diamond Dallas Page

WCW Championship: Kevin Nash (c) vs Randy Savage

WCW is still paying Michael Buffer an obscene amount of money to do one ring intro a night. Savage comes out with Miss Madness 99 (Molly Holly), Gorgeous George and Madusa. Madusa looks so ridiculous trying to dress all slutty. She looks like an overdone piece of plastic. Was this to help Savage’s ego? Does he need three women outside cheering him to feel good? Nash comes out without a single scratch on him to sell the Hummer assault. He’s not even walking with a limp or anything. Oh wait, Michael Buffer says he has a fractured rib and a bad knee. Today Buffer would just say bad quads.

Okay the match starts and Nash sells when he delivers some of his own offense. Probably some of the most selling Nash has done in his entire career. Madusa and Miss Madness have done more work in this match than Savage so far. Savage his an elbow drop but only gets two. Nash has to look strong of course. Nash has glitter all over his body. Nash hits a jack knife powerbomb but the women all attack. Nash takes them out, then Sid Vicious comes in and takes out Nash. This finally causes a DQ. Sid powerbombs Nash.

WINNER via DQ: Kevin Nash

The show wasn’t as bad as Slamboree, but it was still awful.

I’ll see you guys soon for Bash at the Beach!

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

 

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