WWE Raw Review 8.28.17 – with Heather

New-Raw-Logo-645x366

ONE WEEK REMOVED from a lackluster Raw following what I thought was a pretty good Summerslam WE ARE IN MEMPHIS and so so is Jerry Lawler while Booker T deals with the Hurricane situation at home (we’re with ya, Houston!).  While Booker is gone, we still have questions…

BRAUN is the #1 Contender for Brock Lesnar’s Universal Title and Brock is HERE TONIGHT.  Will these two monsters clash?

With Miz continuing to live his best life, will he be given a quality storyline heading into No Mercy?

Will Sasha Banks FINALLY get a win while defending her coveted women’s title?  Or will THE GODDESS rip it off her as has been done so many times?

Will we end the night with the ever exciting CONTRACT SIGNING? of John Cena and Roman Reigns?

ALL THOSE ANSWERS…probably…AND MORE on MONDAY NIGHT RAW!

The Miz kicks off Raw which is the right thing to do because Miz is on fire and I love all members of The Miztourage.  Before they can do anything they are rudely cut off by Kurt Angle’s music.  Miz cuts off Kurt saying he will have a title shot at No Mercy by defining respect and saying that Kurt disrespects him by interrupting him.  Kurt says he’s here to showcase the IC title and he will do that tonight by having a Battle Royale and the winner will fight Miz next Monday on Raw!

Battle Royal for #1 Contender for Intercontinental Title:

There are many men in this Battle.  I came in late to it and honestly thought maybe it was for the Tag Titles because all I could see was tag teams.  My genuine thought was that Jason Jordan was going to win to further the Miz/Angle feud that would bring back The Authority but I was proven wrong.  At one point Bray Wyatt does his mumbo jumbo to appear and knock Finn Balor out of the competition.  It actually ends in horrifying fashion when Jeff Hardy wins for some reason!  The crowd pops huge so I can’t dispute that.  It actually was a great start to the show and a pretty entertaining Battle Royale.  I may not love who won, but I can appreciate a good old fashioned rumble.

Winner: Jeff Hardy (#1 Contender for IC Title)

Backstage Alexa Bliss is with Chuck Caruso.  She says that tonight she will beat Sasha Banks and make her a “Legit Loser”.  Tonight the Goddess will reclaim her throne.

Enzo Amore vs Noam Dar

Enzo is out to say he gets to be on 205 Live and if I had to make the call I’d say that the crowd is definitely turning on him.  He says some words and tries to make fun of Noam Dar WHILE his entrance music is playing.  It’s real weird.  He wins.  Too bad for Dar who is great.

Winner: Enzo Amore

Backstage Chuck is with Neville who was watching those events transpire.  He says he will be Cruiserweight champ, FOREVER, then mocks Enzo.  Love it, love him love it all.  LOVE IT.

Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are out next to talk about everyone’s favorite BRAWNY man, BRAUN.  It is a thrilling promo that I miss the bulk of due to my inability to rewind and a hyperactive niece who decided now was the time to play a really weird game of hide n seek wherein she was a dog pretending to be a cat also disguising herself as a rock.  I don’t know what any of that means but I can tell you that Heyman was precise with his words about what Brock will do to BRAUN and Brock took the mic to say his catch phrase “SUPLEX CITY, BITCH”.  From what I gather Heyman put over Strowman real strong and said he is the most deserving of the shot at Lesnar’s title.

Before this next match can get underway we get a really annoying video package for the impending John Cena vs Roman Reigns match happening at No Mercy.  Okay.

Seth Rollins (w/ Dean Ambrose) vs Cesaro (w/ Sheamus)

This is, of course, a fun match.  Of course because these two teams are feuding they have to fight each other in singles competition every week until they decide to move on to a new tag team and do the same thing over again.  I love these two though so it isn’t terrible to see Rollins and Cesaro fighting each other.  There’s a terrible moment where Michael Cole says that Dean Ambrose is “The goofy one” and Jerry Lawler seems to give an actual goofy hyuck as if to solidify his position as a god damn cartoon character.  Man.  I don’t need Jon Moxley, but it’d be great to see him be a bad ass.  I want Shield Dean Ambrose to slap that laugh out of Jerry Lawler’s mouth.  THe match was short and ends with the most obvious good guy tag team dilemma – they pay attention to the people on the outside.  While Seth avoids Sheamus attacking him and Dean takes him out, Cesaro hits Seth with a wicked upper cut for a surprise win.

Winner: Cesaro

Dean Ambrose (w/Seth Rollins) vs Sheamus (w/Cesaro)

After the previous match Sheamus says this is starting right now.  This match is more hard hitting and if I had to pick I’d say this was slightly better than the last.  Only because it didn’t seem as rushed.  The bad guys try to fool the good guys again but because this is WWE and we have 50/50 booking, Dean Ambrose wins.

Winner: Dean Ambrose

Backstage Emma is talking about how she was trending on twitter last week to Mickie.  Mickie says it was negative attention but Emma doesn’t really care as long as she’s getting it.  Emma says again she started the women’s revolution and Mickie says that if Emma loses tonight she can never say that again.  Emma agrees.

Emma vs Mickie James

Both of these women are excellent wrestlers and I would love to see a legitimate feud between the two of them.  Instead we get a quick shit match that Emma wins on a fluke so she just takes a mic and goes up the ramp repeating how she started the women’s revolution.  Also she has new terrible music.  All the screaming afterwards really makes it seem like it’s PAIGE that will counter Emma’s claim that she started the Divas Revolution.  I hope she is okay enough for this to be the case.  But I don’t count on it.

Winner: Emma

John Cena and Roman Reigns are going to have their contract signing.  Kurt Angle is out first to bring out John Cena.  He sounds as bored as I am with Roman Reigns trying to be over.  John is short with his words before Reigns comes out but when Roman comes out and says that he retired The Undertaker which Cena can’t claim, Cena goes on a tirade about Roman being the exalted one and his Roman Empire.  But he says he’s faster and better than ever and Roman knows that which is why he’s scared to sign.  Roman talks about Cena spinning whatever he wants and that Cena isn’t booed because they want him to be a heel but because he SUCKS.

This promo turns into something else right here where Roman seems to falter and Cena calls him out for not being able to handle the crowd.  That he has to roll with this and Cena even mentions the 4th Wall.  Roman is pretty good in this next little bit where he says Cena is a part timer and likes to bury everyone but he can’t bury Roman because Roman can see him.  Cena says he gets to use this stage to introduce us to new Superstars like AJ Styles and Kevin Owens.  He says Reigns can’t do the job and that’s why Cena is still here.  SUPER META PROMO HAPPENING.  Except it’s just supposed to get Roman over and this is a big problem for me.  It’s a hot segment.  You should watch it.  I just don’t know how to feel about it.

The Club interrupts before they can fight because there are many weeks to No Mercy so this cannot be happening yet.

The Club vs John Cena & Roman Reigns

This is a weird match that didn’t really need to happen and really only serves to make Cena and Reigns try to show the other up.  Both trying to steal each others thunder until the end when they decide to work together and get the win.  The only outcome anyone expected is the outcome.  They dance around each other after the match and John gives Roman a tiny clap that Roman scoffs at.

Winners: John Cena & Roman Reigns

The Drifter is hanging out backstage and is ready to give a new song.  He’s in the ring after the break and says that Dusty Rhodes used to call him Elvis and he is because he’s The King.  I love this mofo.  He gets interrupted by Jerry Lawler because they’re in Memphis and why not.  The King brings out Heath Slater dressed as Pelvis Wesley from Southpaw Regional Wrestling.  The crowd doesn’t seem to know what this is.  Elias destroys “Pelvis” quickly because he’s great.

Miz is backstage with The Miztourage and Renee.  He can’t believe he has to fight Jeff Hardy and Maryse says he didn’t pin anyone.

Sasha is backstage and confidant about her title defense.  Too bad.

WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match: Sasha Banks (c) vs Alexa Bliss

It’s … a good match.  I wish they wouldn’t do booking like this for Sasha only because I can’t find the sense in her winning the title over and over only to lose it right back.  If there’s a plan down the line, great.  But I don’t see it.  Alexa works on Sasha’s back for a majority of the match, but it was her DDT after reversing a Bank Statement that did the job for her.  Alexa wins.

After the match Nia Jax came out to “celebrate” with Alexa but pulled a Batista and dropped Alexa to the floor, holding the title up for herself to end Raw.

Winner: Alexa Bliss – NEW champion

FINAL THOUGHTS: It was a weird Raw.  I thought the Battle Royal in the beginning was alright, but it was a lackluster ending to me that went right into Enzo Amore.  I’m annoyed at how the women rot except for in the Main Event because Emma and Mickie James deserve this time.  The real Meta John Cena/Roman Reigns contract signing was good, but it didn’t sit right with me.  The Sasha Banks/Alexa Match was good of course and it got to main event so we should be so happy about that, but having Sasha lose AGAIN just doesn’t sit right with me.  We can keep saying it’ll lead to her heel turn but we can’t keep hoping for these heel turns that never come.  That main event, which I have mixed feelings about, and the strange Cena/Roman segment I have mixed feelings about and that battle Royal which, AGAIN, mixed feelings make for a show that leaves me wanting more and not in a good way.  It wasn’t a bad show by any means, but there is too much goodnout there to be wondering if I liked it at the end.

WATCH THIS MATCH: Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss Because give the women all your time.

SKIP THIS MATCH: Enzo Amore vs Noam Dar don’t give him your time.

As always you can find me at HM_Pufnstuf on twitter.  Wrestling!

Advertisements