BROCK LESNAR IS HERE! Will he have a run in with The Monster Among Men?
Are Roman Reigns and John Cena going to continue their “REAL TALK” fights in the ring?
How will Miz deal with Enzo for more than 30 seconds?
How’s the Women’s Division faring?
DOES ELIAS HAVE A NEW SONG??
All this and more TONIGHT…ON MONDAY NIGHT RAW!!!
We get a moment of silence because it’s 9/11 and that is the appropriate reaction. The inappropriate reactions are the ones like people screaming during that moment of silence and one lone idiot yelling “I LOVE YOU BOOKER”. An idiot for a multitude of reasons I can imagine.
Roman Reigns vs Jason Jordan
This is a pretty good match and it gets a surprising amount of time. I guess it’s not that surprising though considering we’re on the Jason Jordan Express. He just keeps getting good long matches with good opponents who he can lose to. Eventually he’ll be begging Kurt for matches or…well I thought he would have been doing this already so I don’t know. I assume he’s lying about Kurt being his father or what was that even for? Have we even been bringing it up other than with commentary? Will it turn out Hornswoggle is really Kurt’s son??
Anyway. This match is fine. I’m not particularly taken with Jason Jordan, but I think he’s talented. I just don’t think he fits into the puzzle piece they are shoving him in – much like Roman Reigns! – but he has the time to grow. So does Roman. And while it is close, the victor is obvious from the beginning. THE BIG DAWG. But this match is really entertaining and worth watching.
Winner: Roman Reigns
John Cena tells Chuck Caruso before a break that he’s headed out to the ring so the crowd gets a break of Roman celebrating on the ropes I guess.
Cena and Roman go back and forth again and the best lines are probably Roman saying that if John wants to break into Hollywood he knows a guy! And John saying that he’s like a drug test – Roman’s not getting past him. Ouch. It’s mostly a back and forth about who is better for WWE right now. They talk about revenue and everything. This isn’t fun stuff. I don’t care about moneys when I’m watching wrestling. Unless you’re the Million Dollar Man or something.
I read someone else say it and they were right – Cena keeps getting to go pretty personal (HE MENTIONED THE DRUG TEST). Roman needs to be able to go personal too. Not sure what that could mean. I didn’t love this segment.
Sasha Banks vs Emma
I think this whole thing is just a trainwreck. The match is fine I love both of these women, but it’s short and it’s very distracting because Alexa Bliss is on commentary and then before the commercial break (very quickly into the match) Nia comes out to also join commentary. They’re very awkward and the match is over quickly after we get back from break. These women all deserve better.
Winner: Sasha Banks
Paul Heyman is out with Brock Lesnar next to speak on BRAUN. He says that BRAUN reminds him of a young Brock Lesnar, which I actually think he has said about a lot of people before but whatever. He says that young Brock beat all kinds of great wrestlers when he was an up and comer – everyone who matter. He wonders if BRAUN can beat John Cena tonight. Then he says that Brock is ready. He asks Brock, is he ready? He is. They call out BRAUN now. HE RESPONDS! BRAUN is out and he goes to dump Brock, but Brock gets the upperhand and suplexes BRAUN WHO JUST GETS BACK UP! Brock is a cocky bastard and doesn’t notice the Monster Among Men behind him and gets a choke slam for his trouble. BRAUN stands tall as Lesnar looked genuinely scared upon seeing him standing there. RAHHHH.
All of this just means BRAUN is losing at the PPV. Sigh.
Goldust vs Bray Wyatt
Okay. Before the match Bray cuts a promo talking about how Goldust is just a man in makeup. Just like Finn Balor. This match is making more sense now. Goldust gets some offense in in the beginning and it’s nice because it’s good to remember that Goldust can wrestle. It’s over quickly though.
After he wins, Bray aggressively wipes Goldust’s face paint off shouting that he’s just a man as Finn Balor comes down to make the save. Sure.
Winner: Bray Wyatt
Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose are out to do commentary for SheaSaro vs The Club. Dean has brought binoculars and a note pad so that he can keep notes and Seth plays along which is just fantastic. After The Club enters and SheaSaro are doing their entrance it all delves into chaos when Seth and Dean don’t like the way Cesaro is mouthing off towards them. It turns into a brawl between all three teams and heads into commercial with Jamie Noble reuniting with his boss Seth Rollins.
After the break Dean and Seth say they want the other two teams but they have to find two guys to be their partners. I’m sure it’ll be so hard.
WE GET AN ASUKA VIGNETTE! SHE IS COMING TO RAW!
Nia Jax was also watching and she is annoyed at another woman coming to Raw. So is Alexa Bliss who is somehow there too. She’s also annoyed she and Nia don’t get to have their 1 on 1 match! Now these other women are all involved. Nia says she won’t be happy to find out they get their 1 on 1 next week on Raw. Of course they do.
Elias Sampson vs Kalisto
Elias is delivering a new song about how gross Anaheim is (though they have Disneyland and he did not mention it) and he is interrupted by Kalisto which is certainly not random. It is another short match without a lot to write home about.
Winner: Elias Sampson
John Cena vs BRAUN
This is a fun match as one may have suspected it would be. It’s mostly a showcase for BRAUN, dominating most of the match with Cena grabbing some offense there and again. BRAUN hits a drop kick at some point and I just love when that happens. After a couple of attempts Cena does hit an Attitude Adjustment on the monster, but BRAUN manages to roll out of the ring. He beats Cena up on the steps a little bit which is fine, but I guess it becomes not fine once he throws those steel steps into the ring because he hits a running powerslam onto them and he gets DQ’d for his efforts.
Winner: John Cena (by DQ)
Backstage Chuck has run into Roman Reigns who was watching that match. He says the Monster doesn’t show mercy and neither does he. Sure didn’t show any mercy on you, Roman!
MIZ TV w/ Enzo Amore
The Miz comes out and he and Maryse have a big announcement – they’re having a baby! Joyous news! Miz is so excited he decides he’s going to read a poem. He is quickly interrupted by Enzo Amore but Miz cuts him off and buries him in another one of his fire promos. He talks about nobody liking Enzo backstage and he just likes hanging out with rappers. How he can’t wrestle and he doesn’t even have his best friend anymore. Enzo kind of comes back and says that Miz isn’t original – he stole who he is from lots of different wrestlers like Ric Flair and Chris Jericho. Don’t care, he’s better than Enzo. His promo is also a million times better. They’re having a match now.
The Miz vs Enzo Amore
It’s a joke of a match where Miz keeps beating Enzo up and then Enzo gets a mic and tries to come back at Miz who then grabs the mic himself and asks Enzo how he’s doing. Enzo says Miz should be asking “Who’s Your Daddy” insulting Maryse which is just terrible and he gets attacked by Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel for his trouble. They just beat him up a lot and then toss him to The Miz who does the same. DQ win but I wish they’d just destroyed him for good.
Winner: Enzo (By DQ)
Backstage Enzo is looking sad and hurt and Neville finds him and laughs as he walks away. We’re all laughing.
Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose & The Hardys vs SheaSaro & The Club
This match was alright and had the crowd going for it eventhough Matt Hardy literally tripped and missed a pin attempt at some point. Outside Matt starting the match, Jeff getting a dive (fall) in at the beginning and Matt’s aforementioned fall, The Hardys don’t really feature in this match. After that it’s all Dean being isolated by the heels. Eventually he tagged in Seth Rollins and he and the Hardys cleaned house with Gallows and Anderson both eating Twist of Fates. Cesaro and Sheamus at this point were outside the ring and decided not to re enter while Dean and Seth hit their respective finishers and ended the match.
Winners: Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose & The Hardys
Final Thoughts: While I thought only three of the matches were really worth watching, I liked the Lesnar/BRAUN stuff and I loved the Miz TV segment. I also thought the opening match was good, the Cena/BRAUN match was fun and the last match was good so there was a decent pace throughout. Unfortunately I’m disappointed by the continued bungle of the women’s division. I love all these ladies, I just want more for them! I know I’m not alone. Also, Miz shouldn’t be rolling around just destroying Enzo for fun. Give this man a great feud.
Find me over at HM_Pufnstuf