Justin C Watches WCW Mayhem 1999

I’ve been making my way through the first Vince Russo Era in WCW. And let me tell you, it is awful. I could count the number of things I like on one hand, and I could still do it even if I had three of my fingers blown off. How anyone can defend any of Russo’s shit on Twitter nowadays is beyond me. What is there to like? Wrestling is non-existent. Matches are kept short and have constant interference, even more so than previous WCW. Women are objectified to nothing but sex objects (a byproduct of that era). Constant backstage segments and quick cuts that look like shit. Oh and he decided to push Jeff Jarrett to the moon.

This PPV is awful. Don’t watch it. Just read my review of it.

We start with Tony Schiavone recapping EVERY match so far in the tournament. I think it lasted longer than any match in the tournament so far.

Semifinals of the WCW Title Tournament: Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Benoit

If this was an episode of Nitro, people would changed the channel when they saw Jeff Jarrett come out first. Remember Jarrett is awful and never drew a dime. Benoit takes it to Jarrett early on. They go to the outside where Jarrett crotches Benoit into the post. Back and forth action for a few minutes so Creatvie Control comes out. They literally look like henchmen for Hitler.

Benoit hits the diving headbutt but one of the Harris Brothers pulls Benoit off the pin. Jarrett hits The Stroke but Dustin Rhodes comes out to break up the pin. One member of the Harris Brothers fights with Dustin. The other tries to give the guitar to Jarrett but Jarrett runs into him. Benoit gets the guitar and uses it on Jarrett to pick up the win. Jarrett and Creative Control beat down Benoit after the match.

Why would you let Jarrett lose clean? YOU HAVE TO PROTECT THE CHOSEN ONE!!!

Disco Inferno is interviewed in the back. But he gets beat up by Jarrett and Creative Control until other wrestlers break it up.

WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Disco Inferno (c) w/Tony Marinara vs Evan Karagias w/Madusa

My god Madusa is all plastic at this point. How was she able to walk? Good lord her boobs are ridiculously too big. Tony Marinara is a fake Italian mobster who is there to collect money from Disco. I’m pretty sure he was the fan obsessed with Lodi and Lenny until that got dropped. He’s on commentary and is awful. I can’t pay attention to the match because of it. He’s talking about his watch and keeps saying “Forget about it” because that is how Russo thinks mobsters talk. The crowd is starting a “boring” chant so I’m assuming the match is awful. No surprise with Disco involved.

Marinara finally leaves the announce position and goes to hit on Madusa. Karagias is pissed. Disco grabs a chair and accidentally hits Marinara. Karagias hits a crossbody and wins the Cruiserweight Title and $25,000. Next.

Russo, oh I’m sorry “The Powers That Be” is telling Jarrett he gave him every opportunity to be WCW Champ and he blew it. So now Jarrett has the rest of the night to prove himself to Russo. Jarrett should go out and cut a shoot promo!

WCW Hardcore Championship: Brian Knobbs vs Screamin Normal Smiley

Smiley comes out and in a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey and goalie gear. See, Smiley is fine to have around in this position. This I have no problem with. Smiley gets hit with a trash can and lid and starts his screaming. The crowd chants “Go Leafs Go” and I hate that chant. Fuck the Maple Leafs.

Smiley catches a garbage can thrown by Jimmy Hart mean for Knobbs and uses it on Knobbs. They start brawling to the back which I think sucks for the fans in attendance. I think they’ve used every garbage can in the building so far. Schiavone calls it difficult to watch because of the brutality. Come on Tony, you were just laughing about this a couple minutes ago. Now they’re brawling by all this food and wasting tons of hamburger and hot dog buns. They brawl into an elevator and it closes. When it opens, Jimmy Hart accidentally hits Knobbs with the garbage can and Smiley pins Knobbs for the win. Knobbs tosses Jimmy Hart into the buns after the match.

Elimination Tag: The Revolution (Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, Asya) w/Shane Douglas vs The Filthy Animals (Eddie Guerrero, Billy Kidman, Torrie Wilson) w/Konnan

Torrie is wrestling in high heels because that’s probably what Russo thinks women do. I’ve always liked Douglas and maintain he would have been better in Jarrett’s spot on the card.

Everyone brawls on the outside and a “fan” jabs Malenko with the Canadian fan and is escorted. Torrie hurts her ankle and Eddie checks on her. Kidman is rolled up and is eliminated. Kidman and Eddie argue. Konnan walks out too so it is just Eddie and Torrie out there. Eddie hits a head scissors hurricarrana into a pin and eliminates Malenko. Eddie eliminates Asya with a frog splash. The crowd starts chanting “Rocky” I believe, going to show how much they care about this match. Saturn reverses a crossbody into the Rings of Saturn and Eddie taps. That leaves just Saturn and Torrie. Saturn gets low blowed for two. Shane then has to distract the ref to allow Saturn to hit a low blow for the win. Okay then. Was the ref distraction really needed? Do we have to protect Torrie?

Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control beat up Buff Bagwell in the back.

Loser Must Retire: Curt Hennig vs Buff Bagwell

Jarrett and Creative Control come out and beat up Hennig. Bagwell runs them off and then Hennig attacks Bagwell so I’m guessing the match started? I didn’t hear a bell. It doesn’t take long for Hennig to slow it down and bring out another “boring” chant from the crowd. He’s had this headlock/sleeper applied now for at least five minutes. All the sudden Bagwell catches Hennig with a Blockbuster for the win. Like, that literally came out of nowhere. Hennig gets a standing ovation from the crowd.

Semifinals of the WCW World Title Tournament: Bret Hart vs Sting

Bret comes out wearing a Team Canada Wayne Gretzky jersey and Heenan asks who that is. Bret goes right after Sting early on to the delight of the Canadian crowd. Sting clips the bad leg of Bret and gains control. Sting misses a Stinger Splash on the table then Bret gets his foot up in the ring. Sting pulls the ref in front of him on a Bret axe handle off the top. Lex Luger comes out and hits Sting with the baseball bat. Bret takes out Luger and applies the Sharpshooter. The ref calls for the bell and gives the match to Bret due to outside interference, which makes NO SENSE because Luger interfered and attacked Sting. Bret wants the match restarted and the ref allows it. Sting applies the Scorpion but Bret reverses to a Sharpshooter and Sting taps. Sting shakes Bret’s hand after.

Lex Luger already has a neckbrace on. He can’t fight tonight. But to make up for it he will write a personal check to each fan in attendance!

Chain Match: Vampiro vs Berlyn

Oh good Oklahoma is coming out with Steve Williams. How did Williams tolerate this? Wasn’t he good friends with Jim Ross? This is an embarrassment. No idea why they decided to go after J.R. He WAS the best announcer at the time and one of the best ever. This was announced as Vampiro vs Berlyn, but for some reason The Wall is fighting Vampiro and Berlyn is fighting Jerry Only from the Misfits. I can’t concentrate with this Oklahoma shit. Oh, apparently the ref was knocked out. The Wall walks out after arguing with Berlyn again. Vampiro picks up the win. Steve Williams attacks Vamprio after the match.

Lex Luger vs Meng

Luger is wearing the neck brace. Tony figures out it is to prevent the Tonga Death Grip from being applied. Luger does some terrible selling. Liz accidentally sprays Luger in the face, but it was comically set up and looked like shit. Meng gets the win. NEXT.

Scott Hall vs Booker T

Scott Hall challenged anyone in the back for both belts and out comes Booker T and you can sense the disappointment in the crowd. Booker T gets to Hall early but the crowd isn’t into it. I understand Booker T had talent at the time but you don’t put him in the ring with a heel the crowd loves like Hall. Oh good we are five minutes in and out comes Jeff Jarrett with Creative Control. Booker T takes out the neo-Nazis, but gets distracted by Jeff Jarrett. Hall hits the Outsiders Edge for the win.

The lights go out and another big muscle woman named Midnight comes out and again the crowd just does not care.

David Flair vs Kimberly

Ugh. I forgot about this. Kimberly seductively stretches in the corner then kicks David but he has a cup on. Flair grabs the crowbar and hits the ref. Kimberly gets on her knees and pretends to look like she wants to give him a blowjob. But she instead pulls off his cup and then kicks him again. She chokes out Flair with the jockstrap. David gets back up. Kanyon comes out and attacks him before being taken out with a crowbar. DDP then comes out and hits the Diamond Cutter. Arn Anderson comes out and stops DDP from using the crowbar. But David Flair then uses the crowbar on Arn. Arn does a stretcher job and I’m pretty sure the crowd is chanting take it off because some drunk girl is in the crowd dancing.

Anyone who watches this and still wants wrestling to be more like the Attitude Era is a dumb person. Kimberly is completely objectified here. Women were treated awful during this period.

I Quit Match: Goldberg vs Sid

To this day I wonder if Sid put any effort into becoming a good wrestler how good he could have been. The crowd chants “Goldberg sucks” and somewhere Kevin Nash is saying “I told you!”

Sid hits a couple of chokeslams but Goldberg counters one into an armbar. Sid starts to sell the arm. Since when can Sid sell? Goldberg applies a crossface chicken wing and Sid passes out so the ref calls for the bell. WEAK. Especially after their battle last month.

WCW World Title Finals: Chris Benoit vs Bret Hart

They keep it to the mat early on. Bret goes for a quick Sharpshooter but Benoit counters into a Crossface attempt. Bret throws Benoit to the outside and that “fan” with facepaint on attacks Benoit with the flag. But this time it is Malenko. Bret fights him off to protect Benoit.

Benoit regains control and ends up hitting a Tombstone on Hart then the flying headbutt. But Hall and Nash come out and pull the ref out of the ring. Hall attacks Benoit, who eliminated him from the tournament. Goldberg comes out and spears Nash. Hall then hits him with a chair. Bret clears out Hall as the Outsiders leave and are attacked by Goldberg up the ramp.

Benoit hits a Dragon Screw leg whip and goes to work on the bad leg of Bret. Bret is able to fight back and takes Benoit to the top and hits a superplex. The crowd has been distracted twice in the last two minutes by something in the crowd because people have short attention spans. Benoit counters a suplex from the apron and hits two German suplexes. Benoit counters a crossface attempt and counters into the Sharpshooter and Benoit taps. Fireworks go off as Bret’s family comes in.

The interference was nowhere near necessary. They should’ve let these two go uninterrupted for 15-20 minutes. The show is a total stinker with the wrestling on it awful for the most part. It was Crash TV, typical for Russo booking. How anyone could defend or say Russo is good after this show is a clear idiot.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

 

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