WWE Raw Review 10.30.17 – with Heather

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LAST WEEK Raw was HASHTAG UNDER SIEGE!  How will the roster respond to that this week??

How are Kurt’s spirits after teasing Shane and his Smackdown crew and getting played for it??

Has someone found our missing Superstars?? (Spoilers: A few of them!!)

WHO is going to Captain Team Raw?

Who is even on Team Raw…

WE WILL FIND ALL THIS OUT AND MORE, on a brand new Episode of…MONDAY NIGHT RAW.

After a video package recapping last week’s Smackdown attack, Raw starts with Kurt Angle gathering all his faithful Raw Superstars at the top of the ramp and apologizing for letting Shane hurt them last week.  He let his friendship blind him and he’s never gonna let Shane hurt them again…. but maybe another McMahon will?  Because Stephanie McMahon is back!  I know this is likely everyone’s worst case scenario and I agree she never really gets her her comeuppance but I am a lifelong Steph fan and I cannot help it.  She starts off being complimentary to Kurt, telling him he’s handled everything that has been thrown at him – his illegitimate son, the virus attacking the locker room, and our dear BRAUN being compacted.  He had earned her respect when he himself joined The Shield at TLC – but then Shane put them….#UNDERSIEGE.  Sigh.  Stephanie tells Kurt how everyone thinks Shane is a nice guy but he’s manipulative and after he couldn’t get the job done at Hell in a Cell he came to pick on her.  Angle let him embarrass Raw.  So if he can’t get the job done as the CAPTAIN of Team Raw at Survivor Series, she’s gonna find a new General Manager.

Backstage Kurt chases Stephanie but she just confirms what she’s already said and leaves.  I guess she has no other business here.  Another limo pulls up and it’s The Miz with Curtis Axel and a returning Bo Dallas!  Angle is mad Miz wasn’t here when Raw started, Miz is mad Kurt gets to be captain of Team Raw.  Angle says Miz is defending his Intercontinental Title tonight and he’ll find out who his opponent is when the match happens.

Bayley vs Alicia Fox

After Bayley comes out, Alicia comes out in a Captain’s outfit and says that she doesn’t have time to wrestle because she’s putting together a team.  She gives Bayley a new opponent.  Well okay.

Bayley vs Nia Jax

Nia Jax is also back tonight.  I hate that the commentators have to say that Bayley has “fight in her tonight”.  I mean she should always have fight in her especially as a plucky underdog right?  The match is…a rushed women’s match.  It goes through a commercial break, but it’s pretty anticlimactic.  Bayley locks in a guillotine submission but Nia gets out of it and hits a rolling cannonball, which was alright, her legdrop and pins for the win.  Alicia adds her to Team Raw.

Winner: Nia Jax

Before Nia can head up the ramp towards Alicia and Bayley can leave, Samoa Joe returns!  He says it sounds like some people have missed him.  He however hasn’t missed any of them.  Nobody reached out so he cares about nobody.  He says he will take out his anger on any man that steps in the ring with him because he will be pretending it’s each and every one of the people in the crowd.  Aaaaaand oh god.  It’s Apollo Crews.  This poor guy.

Apollo Crews vs Samoa Joe

While Apollo does get some impressive offense in including some enziguris that nearly bring Joe down, this match is mostly a welcome back to the ring for Samoa Joe.  After Apollo attempts a sitout powerbomb, Joe gets out of it and hits him with a Uranage telling him to “Sit his ass down” he puts him in the Coquina Clutch and gets the win.

After the match Titus gets in the ring and takes his jacket off telling Joe to back up, but then immediately turns his back on him and gets himself caught in a Coquina clutch for his trouble.  Dumb.

Backstage Alexa Bliss is dressed like Chucky 100% and it is adorable.  She thinks Kurt should make way for some of the Mae Young Classic women and get rid of Mickie James.  Kurt thinks Alexa shied away from the fight with Smackdown last week and tonight she is defending her title against Mickie James who stayed and fought.  Alexa is unhappy.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs Matt Hardy

The Miz was awaiting his opponent and it’s the more tolerable Hardy Boy!  I know I’m terrible.  It gets a “This is Awesome” chant towards the end, and I’ll say that it is a perfectly acceptable match and I really enjoyed it.  But it was not “AWESOME”.  Matt Hardy really almost had the win – he was impressive throughout and he hit a pretty good moonsault off the top rope (that spawned the THIS IS AWESOME chant), but Miz kicks out.  Matt hits a Twist of Fate too but Miz manages to roll under the ropes making Hardy have to chase him only to get dropped on the top rope across his neck for the trouble.  Miz sneaks in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.

Winner: The Miz

Asuka vs Random Lady Wrestler

Asuka murders the Random Lady Wrestler.

Winner: Asuka

Backstage Kurt is running some…sort of drill to get the wrestlers ready in case there is an invasion.  Screaming into a walkie talkie that they’re here!  they’re here!  But he just brings in Daniel Bryan.  I guess it wasn’t a real drill.  Daniel is there to try and reason with Kurt and mend the bridge after Shane invaded last week.  Kurt doesn’t want to hear it and says Daniel is lucky he is safe in his office.  Except then Kurt leaves.

Daniel makes a phone call, but the lights go out and we go to commercial.  After commercial hes still on the phone in the dark and Kane attacks him.  They are supposed to be friends!!

Cesaro vs Finn Balor

A great match as one would expect.  The difference between this match and the Matt Hardy/Miz match from earlier is that I find these two much more exciting.  THere’s an intensity with everything they do, and I don’t see it in the other two.  That isn’t to say it was bad – it was very good.  It’s just different.  This match has some originality to it and we get to see two of the best wrestlers in the world go at it.  Maybe this is payback for Finn having to job out to Kane last week.  BOTH men look great in this match – Cesaro holds onto control for most of the early part of the match, getting a sick uppercut and a great looking superplex from the corner.  Finn takes over with the shotgun dropkick and slingblade, then takes out Sheamus for trying to interfere.  Finn dives over the top rope to take both guys out after tossing Cesaro and hits a wicked stomp to the back of Cesaro’s neck.  Fun, fun match.  Really loved it.

Winner: Finn Balor

Before Finn can exit stage right, Kane’s music hits and Finn decides to attack him.  Kane gives him what they…call a tombstone at the top of the ramp but it is not that great.

Seth Rollins vs Kane

Kane dominates most of this match with Seth Rollins barely even able to bring him down.  I guess this is a NEW Kane, but Seth Rollins is SO good and I hate to see this happen to him.  He has a good effort when he hits a couple of dives to the outside and some jumping clotheslines once Kane is back in the ring, but Sheamus & Cesaro are hanging ringside and distract Seth by attacking Dean on the outside.  He helps his partner, comes back in the ring and gets chokeslammed for his trouble.  Kane wins.

After the match Kane goes to attack Seth again but Dean interrupts and hits a dirty deeds.  Kane sits up and he, Sheamus & Cesaro attack Dean.  Kane tombstones Dean and in a show of true love Seth lays over Dean to protect him only to get his own tombstone.  Damn.

Winner: Kane

Backstage Daniel Bryan is being taken away on a gurney while Jamie Noble and D-Von Dudley stand by.  There’s a no sold creepy spot where the knocked over light in the background goes off.

The Club vs Heath Slater & Rhyno in…in…a whatever this match is

The best part of this match is the moment you realize Rhyno is supposed to be Mrs. Claus.  He and Heath Slater are dressed like the Claus’s and The Club are their SouthPaw Wrestling counterparts Chazz2Badd and Tex Ferguson.  There are pumpkins and tables and.  Yeah.  Yeah that’s all I’m gonna say about this match honestly.  I’ll say I had fun, how’s that.

Winners: Heath Slater & Rhyno

Elias is out to sing a song about Jason Jordan and in it it just calls him a disappointment to Kurt and such.  But you know.  JASON JORDAN JUST HAS TO INTERRUPT.  He just attacks Elias and Elias leaves.  Jason then decides he deserves a turn on the guitar for SOME REASON…and destroys it!  Just smashes Elias’s guitar to bits.  Welp.

Miz and The Miztourage try to escape because they believe hat BRAUN is in the building.  Hot damn I hope so.  He left trash in their room!  Miz tried to recruit Kane and Sheamus & Cesaro to help him, but they all just laughed in his face.  As he tries to sneak out Kurt stops him and says he has to stay until the end of the show, OR ELSE.

Enzo comes out and say some stuff and I…walked away from the television.

Drew Gulak vs Kalisto

Kalisto wins with a Salida Del Sol and Enzo immediately attacks him afterwards.  Unfortunately I apparently missed some great Gulak stuff here and I feel awful because I really like him.

Winner: Kalisto

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (c) vs Mickie James

This was a pretty good match and I’m happy they got the main event spot but of course it was ruined by assholes chanting CM Punk.  Mickie had some great kicks in this that looked pretty lethal, and Alexa just continues to improve.  Alexa wins with a WICKED punch to the side of Mickie’s head.

Winner: Alexa Bliss

As Miz and the Miztourage try to leave their limo is stopped by the presence of…a garbage truck.  It backs up almost to the limo…it opens slowly…trash awaits.  This whole scene is so theatrical its amazing.  The garbage starts to get thrown to the side…BRAUN RISES UP LIKE THE TERMINATOR.  BRAUN SCREAMS.  BRAUN GIVES CHASE.

BRAUN chases The Miztourage to the ramp and beats them down.  He throws Miz into the screen.  Throws them all down to the ring.  Gets ready to powerslam Miz and Curtis Axel sacrifices himself for Miz.  BRAUN yells again!  Miz backs away.  I LOVE WRESTLING.  He powerslams Axel a bunch more times because he can. He takes him up the ramp and slams him into the announce table too! He is a monster among men but the beating of my heart.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I liked this Raw.  I like Steph so I don’t mind her being back, and the matches felt kind of fresh and new (Well…like 2 of them which is a lot for Raw!)  I thought it was fun, I thought there were a handful of pretty enjoyable matches and the backstage segments didn’t take over the show.   I even thought the dumb Halloween match was at least a dumb mess.  I LOVED the BRAUN return but then again I LOVE BRAUN so it’s not hard to believe that.

WATCH THIS MATCH: Cesaro vs Finn Balor How lucky are we to get this match and have it actually be alright?  Would love a program with these two, but I’ll take what I can get.  I think people would probably give it to Miz vs Matt Hardy too so you could check that out as well.  It was a good Raw.

SKIP THIS MATCH: It’s…it’s the costumed match.  But I feel bad saying it so.  It was a fun match.

Hey! Find me over at HM_Pufnstuf on twitter!  Happy Halloween!

 

 

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