Well, I’ve crossed the line. The last full year of WCW. And we start with a giant mess of a PPV in Souled Out. This PPV went to shit in a hurry in less than a week’s time.
Originally this was building to Bret Hart vs Goldberg after what happened at Starrcade. But Goldberg decided to put his hand through a window of a limo, slicing a tendon and almost causing him to lose his arm. So Vinnie Russo switched to Sid. But Bret Hart suffered a concussion in the Goldberg match from a stiff kick. Bret tried fighting through it but he had to get checked out. A doctor diagnosed him with post concussion syndrome and told him to stop wrestling immediately. If you don’t know the details of how bad this actually was, read Bret Hart’s book.
Jeff Jarrett was also scheduled to face Chris Benoit in a Triple Threat Theater match. But Jarrett suffered a concussion from a Chris Benoit diving headbutt off the top of a cage. So they decided to put Chris Benoit in the WCW World Title match with Sid. Which is fine in principal. But guess what? Chris Benoit was on his way out of WCW, along with Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn and Eddie Guerrero.
The Triple Threat Theater match was changed to Kidman vs Dean Malenko, then vs Saturn and a mystery member of the Revolution.
And if this wasn’t enough, Vince Russo was relieved of his duties as head writer before the show because he wanted to put the WCW Title on Tank Abbott. You know what though? That wasn’t Russo’s worst idea ever. It would have been abysmal, but it could have been a lot worse. Kevin Sullivan was put back in charge and that is part of the reason why the four people mentioned above left. They didn’t trust Sullivan. And in Benoit’s case, since he stole Sullivan’s wife, how could you blame him?
So that is where we are with this mess. Lets go!
Dungeon Match: Billy Kidman vs Dean Malenko
This match gets two minutes in and Malenko rolls out to the floor. The problem with that? The rules of this match were if you go out to the floor you lose. So Charles Robinson rings the bell and you can obviously tell that was not suppose to happen as everyone is confused and pissed.
To kill time most likely, we get two different video packages about the Vampiro/David Flair/Crowbar angle, and then everyone is interviewed.
Vampiro vs David Flair vs Crowbar
David Flair and Crowbar are the WCW Tag Team Champions. But they are also both crazy people and often attack each other. Daffney is on the outside to scream and yell. David Flair’s character isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but David Flair is an awful wrestler and should not have been in the ring.
So poor Vampiro is forced to carry the load here in this match. I have to think the crowd noise is pumped in here because there is no way the crowd is that loud. David Flair is bumbling around like an idiot in the ring and I don’t think it is the character. Crowbar isn’t awful but this match is just go clunky. David Flair applies the worst Figure Four ever. Daffney comes in and for some reason starts kissing David. She comes in again but David runs into her. So she just leaves the ring and stands on the apron, then watches Vampiro hit the nail in the coffin for the win. Okay.
The Harris Brothers vs Big Vito and Johnny the Bull
Oh god. This match just sounds awful. Tony Marinara said in an interview he had business to take care of then walked away. Disco Inferno is now working for the Italians because he lost a match. I could think of so many other things I’d rather do then watch this match. I’d rather go watch Warrior/Hogan from Halloween Havoc 98. Ron paint brushes Johnny the Bull on the apron and he sells it like he got shot in the head. There is a woman in the front row that looks like Dixie Carter. Could you imagine Dixie Carter in WCW in 2000?
The crowd politely tries to get Johnny the Bull back in the match. I’ve heard louder clapping at a funeral. There is zero heat to this match. It is just four guys having a bland wrestling match. A boring chant starts. I’m surprised people haven’t fallen asleep yet watching this match. Disco Inferno shoves Big Vito off the ropes, but it gives his team the win, which he didn’t want.
WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Madusa (c) vs Oklahoma
Member when the Cruiserweight Title match was the best match on the show? Oklahoma cuts a promo beforehand saying women have no place in wrestling and he is going to send Madusa back to the kitchen.
If you are wondering Madusa still looks like she could fall over at any minute with her way too big boobs. Madusa hits the worst dropkick ever off the second rope. She tries to make up for it with another one. Oklahoma goes to grab the BBQ sauce bottle but Spice stops him. Asya comes out to help and they beat up Oklahoma. The ref is watching this all happen. They throw Oklahoma back in the ring, but he does the worst school boy roll up ever to get the win. So this match had the worst missile dropkick ever and the worst rollup ever.
Four The Hard Way Match For the WCW Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs (c) vs Screamin Norman Smiley vs Fit Finlay vs Meng
Knobbs and Finlay are dressed like the Dudley Boyz for some reason. Remember Finlay trained Knobbs in the woods or some shit, and that made Knobbs just as awful of a wrestler that he still was. Smiley tries to back Knobbs into the apron on the outside but Knobbs just falls. They brawl on the outside and there are two separate signs: “Who Farted?” and “The Guy Behind Me Is Gay.” All this match is so far is garbage can shots and chair shots. And awful ones at that. Norman eventually tries to see if Knobbs is knocked out but ends up eating a shot from a nightstick and Knobbs wins.
Bunkhouse Brawl: Kidman vs Perry Saturn
Kidman looks so disinterested. He has to wrestle three matches and pretty much all of his buddies are leaving. Don’t worry Billy, things will be looking up soon! *hahahahaha*
These two have been wrestling for two minutes and it is already the best match on the card so far. Saturn hits a nice springboard spinning leg drop. Saturn rips off Kidman’s shirt then tosses him across the ring by his neck. Saturn puts Kidman on a table he set up on the outside. Kidman gets back up and they fight in the ring. This has been nowhere close to a Bunkhouse Brawl. Saturn hits a pretty good elbow drop off the top for two.
Saturn misses a moonsault and Kidman starts his comeback. But Kidman charges at Saturn, Saturn catches him and belly-to-belly’s him over the top through the table he set up. But Saturn only gets two. The replay shows Kidman hitting his head on the apron on the way down. Kidman counters a powerbomb with a facebuster for the win. The match was fine, but it was suppose to be a Bunkhouse Brawl and had exactly one table break.
Oh good, Stevie Ray is cutting a promo from the ghetto. He says Booker T is trying to forget about this place.
Booker T w/Midnight vs Stevie Ray
A woman has a “Harlem Heat” sign. Apparently she hasn’t been watching WCW TV recently. Hell at this point not a lot of people were anyways.
Booker T sends Midnight to the back, which obviously means she will come back out later. So Booker and Stevie Ray are wrestling and everything is kind of just there. We get a random crowd cut to people pretending to care about this match. Booker T deserved much better than this by this point. Booker T looks close to finishing the match, then AHMED FUCKING JOHNSON comes out and attacks Booker T. Hahaha. Only WCW would sign Ahmed Johnson four years past his prime. Stevie calls him Big T, and in typical Ahmed fashion, he is blown up already and you can barely understand his promo.
Tank Abbott vs Jerry Flynn
This is a shoot fight. Because both these guys are shooters. They also both suck giant monkey balls. Flynn goes for a cross armbreaker but Tank breaks it then knocks Flynn out. At least it was short.
Buff Bagwell vs Diamond Dallas Page: No Rules, No Ref, Last Man Standing Wins
This match is all built around rumors that Bagwell was banging Kimberly Page. So Page and Bagwell started taking shots at each other. Bagwell called Kimberly a slut and that DDP had a small dick. DDP implied Bagwell was gay. So this was a Russo wet dream feud.
There’s a ref out there, immediately making the tag line for this match pointless. They brawl out into the crawl. Someone throws a drink at both men. They go back to the ring then up the ramp. DDP throws Bagwell on the railing a few times. They brawl near the WCW.com table. They each take a computer monitor then throw them together in an awful spot. DDP then clocks Bagwell with a keyboard. Bagwell recovers and climbs up the set then drops down on DDP through the table.
Back to the ring they go. DDP crotches Bagwell on the post. The crowd chants for DDP and it is probably the loudest they’ve been all night. Buff regains control and hits a handful of moves, leading to the BlockBuster. DDP gets up at 9. Bagwell uses a riot baton and DDP still gets up at 9. DDP goes for a Diamond Cutter but Bagwell partially blocks it and Bagwell beats the ten count up. Kimberly comes out and awkwardly stares at Bagwell, but then walks out with DDP after DDP beats up Bagwell. Awkward.
Steel Cage Match: Billy Kidman vs The Wall
This is billed as a cage match but is a Hell In A Cell structure. Shane Douglas cut his normal loud and yelling promo then tells Kidman his opponent is the Wall. Watching old WCW is really exposing Shane Douglas to me. I used to say he should’ve gotten the Jeff Jarrett spot, but I wouldn’t say that now.
The match starts and something must be happening in the crowd as they all turn their attention to one side. The Wall goes for a chokeslam but Kidman counters into a hurricarrana. Kidman goes to the top and the Wall catches him and hits a chokeslam for the win. What the hell was the point of the cage?
Hardcore Match: Kevin Nash vs Terry Funk
If Nash wins he becomes Commissioner of WCW. If Funk wins the nWo has to be disbanded.
Funk eats some chair shots to the head then is powerbombed through the announce table. Funk of course bleeds from the powerbomb spot for some reason. Nash says if Funk crawls back in the ring, he will let Funk keep his commissioner job. Nash says he lied then beats on Funk. Funk lands a right hand on Nash and they start exchanging “right hands.” Funk lands some awful headbutts. Nash hits a low blow then powebombs Funk through a chair set up on two other chairs. Well, that was slow and painful. Nash is now running things, not like he wasn’t before anyways.
WCW Championship Match: Chris Benoit vs Sid Vicious
Arn Anderson said in an interview before this match that these two may be the best of all time in WCW. I guess Ric Flair has been gone so long that Arn forgot about him.
Michael Buffer does his intros after both men are in the ring. That’s probably because Sid can’t work a long match with Benoit. Benoit looks like he already has one foot at the door. The locker room comes out after the match starts to watch. Were the monitors not working in the back? They all look stupid standing out there. Sid uses the power game early and throws around Benoit. Benoit dropkicks the leg of Sid, then puts Sid’s leg between the steps and post and dropkicks it a couple times. Benoit applies the Figure Four but Sid turns it so Benoit grabs the ropes.
Benoit continues to chop away at Sid’s legs as he applies a bunch of various submissions to try and get Sid to give up. The crowd starts to chant for Sid as he tries starting multiple comebacks. Benoit goes for the three German suplexes but Sid blocks them with an elbow. Benoit goes to the top and hits his headbutt but Sid powers out at two. Sid hits a chokeslam but Benoit has his foot under the ropes. Sid gets up but Benoit grabs him and applies the Crossface. Sid taps but the camera zooms in on Sid’s foot under the ropes. Benoit wins the Title but is gone the next night. I still don’t understand why WCW made this decision.
Mean Gene interviews Benoit backstage. Benoit thanks Sid for a tough fight. Benoit says winning this Title has always been his dream. Kevin Nash comes in and says Benoit’s life will become a living hell at midnight. Nash calls him a turd. Benoit says from the little turd to the big turd, best of luck.
As I said all this was for not. Benoit is gone the next day. The Title is held up and WCW loses four of its best workers. This show is the drizzling shits. There is nothing fun on it. Benoit’s Title reign was at least four months too late. Nash and Funk was slow and plodding. Kidman losing his last match made his other two wins feel meaningless, as was pretty much everything else on this card. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
But I will continue trekking on through old WCW for your enjoyment. You people better send me beer after this.
Until Next Time,
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