Welcome to WCW in Purgatory. We’ve gone through the first Era of Russo and are awaiting the reboot in the coming month. And what has WCW done during this time frame? Gone back ten years. The top six matches involved guys who were all wrestling at the start of the previous decade. Jeff Jarrett could technically be considered “new”, but he’s awful. I think he is up to a billion guitars broken and zero dimes drawn at this point. Meanwhile, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan are in a singles match against each other, as are Sting and Lex Luger. Nobody wanted to see these guys fight each other at this point.
The only new person WCW is even attempting to mix in with these guys is Vampiro. Everyone else is stuck in the mid-card. And it is quite evident here that WCW really didn’t know what to do at this point.
There is another mysterious black limo in the back, just like at the last PPV. WCW loves there black limo surprises.
WCW Cruiserweight Championship: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea (c) vs Psychosis
The Artist just looks like he doesn’t care when doing his fake Prince gimmick. Plus he has an awful fake beard and is wrestling in a collared shirt. Before the match Chris Candido comes out and goes to do commentary. He says he is here to be the new Cruiserweight Champion in WCW. Imagine signing with WCW and that being your goal. There is zero response for Candido’s entrance.
Candido goes on and on about not having a gimmick like the Prince or having a valet. He also demands to be called Hard Knocks Chris Candido. I still can’t imagine a worse debut. I’m pretty sure I can hear people ordering food in the concession area, that is how dead the crowd is. Psychosis finally wakes them up with a frankensteiner off the top rope. Juvi goes to kiss Paisley on the outside. She starts to slap him. Psychosis hits the guillotine leg drop off the top. He hesitates then goes for the pin. Then gets up and argues with Paisley. I think there was a blown spot there. Anyways, The Artist then hits a jumping DDT off the second rope for the win.
XS (Lane and Rave) vs Norman Smiley and The KISS Demon
XS is Lenny and Lody. They’ve gone through about three name changes in a month. And they are all about chasing “rats.” I’m sure if you’re reading this you know what that means. Miss Hancock comes out to the commentary table. Watching the Demon’s entrance without KISS music is weird. Norman Smiley comes out of the Demon’s casket. Miss Hancock says XS must stand for extra small. Ohhhh get it!
The match goes two minutes then Norman applies the Norman Conquest on Rave for the win. Lane and Rave try to take Miss Hancock away after the match but Norman and the Demon stop them. They then take her in the ring where Miss Hancock does the Big Wiggle on Norman.
The Wall vs Bam Bam Bigelow
The Wall has been on a path of destruction. Bigelow is his “mentor” and is getting angry with the Wall’s actions so they are fighting. It’s a typical big man match to start as they come out swinging and then clothesline each other. They brawl up the ramp where Wall chokeslams Bigelow through a table with some fake computers that shoot sparks. The ref calls for the bell. Crowbar and David Flair, who have been put through tables by The Wall, come out and attack. For some reason Crowbar climbed up the scaffolding and the Wall meets him up there. Wall chokeslams Crowbar down through the stage and the announcers sell it like he’s dead. WCW had high hopes for the Wall and this was a good way to push him. They show some other wrestlers looking concerned as Crowbar is stretched to an ambulance in the back.
WCW Hardcore Championship: Three Count (c) vs Knobbs
All three members of Three Count are the Hardcore Champions. Knobbs says he is dedicating this match to Crowbar and Bigelow. I still get pissed that they take away Three Count’s music and entrance. Knobbs hits all three members with a garbage can then gives them the pit stain. Helms recovers and clocks Knobbs with an unprotected chair shot then throw him into a ladder. All three members go for a move on Knobbs off the ladder but Moore misses on the last one. Knobbs sprays them with a fire extinguisher then pins Helms after hitting him with a mop and chair over his broken nose. Knobbs powerbombs Karagias from the ring to a table on the outside then pins him. I guess its falls count anywhere. Moore reverses Knobbs and pins him, but his foot is on the ropes. But this is a hardcore match so what does it even matter? Nick Patrick restarts the match, proving he is a horrible official. Knobbs takes out Moore with a garbage can then jumps off the top onto Moore for the win to become new Hardcore Champion.
Booker and Billy Kidman w/Torrie Wilson vs The New Harlem Heat
The New Harlem Heat is Stevie Ray, Big T (Ahmed Johnson) and Cash. He used to be a part of the group with Master P. When Stevie Ray is the most in shape person of your group then you might have a problem. Cash can barely get in the ring after he takes a punch from Booker T on the apron. Stevie Ray takes out Kidman mid air with an awful punch. Everyone in the new Harlem Heat is already gassed. Kidman is forced to sell for the new Harlem Heat and make them look good. Booker gets the hot tag and hits a couple of BookEnds. But Booker eats a double Alabama Slam. Booker hits a Harlem Sidekick off the top, sending Kidman into a pin on Big T for the win. I don’t think Kidman was the legal man there.
Falls Count Anywhere: Fit Finlay vs Vampiro
Apparently this is about respect. Vampiro was being pushed a bit at this point. He had some matches with Ric Flair and Lex Luger. He also teamed with World Champ Sid. The ref takes away a chair from Finlay, even though this is a Falls Count Anywhere Match. That’s three straight matches with poor officiating. After some minor brawling they go up the concourse and brawl. They were about to go into the women’s room but Finlay stops and they go into the men’s room. Vampiro throws a garbage can at Finlay then climbs the door and jumps, but Finlay throws a garbage can at him. Now they are fighting around a ton of fans and it gets dangerous. A fan shoves a security guard down. Vampiro ends up hitting the Nail in the Coffin on the floor for a win. That was really dumb to do and awful crowd control by WCW and Arena Security.
WCW Tag Team Championship: The Mamalukes (c) w/Disco Inferno vs The Harris Brothers
The Mamalukes have grown on me as I continue to watch 2000 WCW. The Harris Brothers come out to the nWo theme song still. That is awful and a bad way to ruin the nWo theme song. I mean it is already ruined at this point but the Harris Brothers never deserve to come out to that music. The Mamalukes have control early on until Johnny the Bull gets distracted by the Harris Brother on the apron. The Harris Brother start to work over Johnny the Bull. Big Vito gets the hot tag. Disco comes in and hits a Harris Brother with the belt but only gets two. Disco goes to commentary thinking they won. The Harris Brothers then take out both Mamalukes and Disco with the belts, then hit the H-Bomb to win the Tag Titles.
Texas Bullrope Match: Dustin Rhodes vs Terry Funk
Funk has the uncooked chicken with him. Funk says he has Dustin’s younger brother. Out comes a guy dressed in a chicken suit and Dustin chases him around. Funk can barely move. How this guy wrestled in 2000 let alone years after this is amazing. Funk throws the chicken at Dustin. For some reason the announces say it is a bullrope match but the two aren’t tied together. Again the ref allows a rope break in a No DQ match. What the hell is going on here? Dustin delivers some hard shots with the bell at the end of the rope to Funk. Dustin finally hooks the rope to his wrist and Funk’s wrist. It took long enough. Dustin bulldogs Funk on the cowbell but the bell moves out of Rhodes hands as he falls.
The chicken comes out again. Schiavone freaks out about the sound effects playing with the chicken out there. Dustin disposes of the chicken. Funk crotches Rhodes on the ropes as he goes back in. This is awful. Funk says he is changing the rules and makes it an “I Quit” Match. The ref says no so Funk takes him out. Funk keeps hitting Rhodes with the cowbell trying to get him to quit. Rhodes says he quits but the ref doesn’t acknowledge it. Rhodes gets back up as Funk is arguing with the ref and hits Funk with the cowbell multiple times. This has been about ten minutes but feels like ten days. Rhodes piledrives Funk on the cowbell and finally gets the win. Thank god.
Lumberjack Match: The Total Package w/Elizabeth vs Sting
The lumberjacks are all men who have had their arms broken by Luger, I mean the Package. Package tries apologizing to the lumberjacks. He then says he has his own lumberjacks and out come the new Harlem Heat, the Harris Twins and Hugh Morrus. What a shitty group of lumberjacks. Mark Madden says all those men broke their arms voluntarily.
Both men start fighting as soon as Sting gets in the ring. Package gets dumped to the lumberjacks and gets beat up by them so his lumberjacks come over to save him. Back in the ring Package dumps Sting to his side of the lumberjacks. Tank Abbott randomly comes out and knocks out Doug Dillinger. All of the sudden all the lumberjacks start fighting up the ramp. Only Vampiro is left. Ric Flair comes out with a chair but Vampiro tries to stop him. Flair takes him out then goes into the ring to help the Package. Liz hits Sting with the ball bat but Vampiro takes it away then Jimmy Hart takes her away. Package puts the Torture Rack on Sting, but Vampiro hits Package with the bat and Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the win.
WCW Championship: Sid Vicious (c) vs Jeff Jarrett
Mike Graham finds Sid and tells him they changed the match order and he is on next. Of course Hogan has to go on last brother! The announcers are freaking out about it.
Jarrett cuts his same old “chosen one” “I’ve been screwed” “I have all the stroke” promo and no one cares. How did anyone see something in this guy? Sid comes out to a big pop. I always maintain that if Sid put 100% effort into pro wrestling, he could have been a huge star. Fans flocked to his charisma. It is really weird.
They quickly fight by the announce table. Sid spills water on Jarrett then hits an axe handle off the table and slips. Should’ve been a sign to Sid to never leave his feet again. They brawl through the crowd and to the ramp where the Harris Brothers come out and land some cheap shots. Jarrett applies a sleeper but Sid escapes. Jarrett accidentally hits the ref with an elbow then shoves the ref into the turnbuckle. Just like last month. Jarrett uses the guitar on Sid. Out comes Jarrett’s ref Mark Johnson but Hulk Hogan comes out to stop the count. Hogan boots and leg drops Jarrett then puts Sid on Jarrett for the win.
After the match Scott Steiner comes out and hits Hogan with the guitar. Sid cleans house. If Scott Steiner was Jarrett’s insurance policy why did he not come out sooner?
Indian Strap Match: Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair
Flair comes out and starts beating Hogan down with the strap immediately so the match starts. Even though Hogan was just laid out he immediately is back to being even with Flair and they are hitting each other with the strap. Where is Vader for a run in to return the favor Flair did for him back in 95? Hogan is back in full control and mounts Flair in the corner with punches then bites him as Flair is busted open. Now it is time for these two to fight up the ramp. The Package comes out and blasts Hogan on the head with an unprotected chair shot and now he is busted open.
After some more half-assed brawling around the ring they finally go back inside. Jimmy Hart tries to interfere but Flair takes him down. Hogan hulks up and takes out Flair. He hits three corners then the Package comes out, but he also eats a big boot. Hogan pins Flair, in a Strap Match, and the ref allows it. Hogan then touches the fourth corner. Hogan goes over Luger, Flair, Jarrett and the Harris Brothers in less than 30 minutes.
What an awful show. If you watched just the last three matches you would think this was 1995.
Until Next Time,
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