We are nearing the end here folks. But Vince Russo is going to be sure to make our lives a living hell before we are all set and done.
After Bash at the Beach, Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff exited stage left from WCW. Hogan filed a defamation of character lawsuit against WCW and Russo. And Vince Russo is going to turn all of this into a shoot if given the chance. In the weeks leading up to this show, Russo, Nash and Goldberg cut “shoot” promos talking about the triple threat match between Nash, Goldberg and Scott Steiner. As I said in my Bash at the Beach review: We watch wrestling knowing it is fake. But we do not want to be told by the people in the business on TV that it is fake.
During this time period, Russo and Goldberg were at odds. Goldberg wasn’t sold on Russo’s direction with his character. He had Goldberg lose to Booker T on Nitro, something that should have been built up over time. That’s not something you throwaway like its nothing. Now the build for this triple threat is whether or not Goldberg will “follow the script” or go into business for himself. And no one was buying any of the shit Russo was selling. But Vinnie Ru was playing up to the new found Internet wrestling fans of the time.
The rest of WCW isn’t that much better. Mike Awesome has been turned into the “Fat Chick Thriller” which killed any tough guy credibility he had left. Vampiro went from being unique to a juggalo. Shane Douglas and Billy Kidman just had a “viagara on a pole” match, so that’s where those two are at. Everything just has Russo written all over it in a really bad way.
Lets get into this show and pray I don’t run my head through the TV before it ends.
Ladder Match For Three Count’s Gold Album/Recording Contract: Three Count vs the Jung Dragons
Tank Abbott is out with Three Count and dances and sings with them. Remember when I said Tank Abbott could have been built up as an unstoppable bad ass? Haha yep. For some reason there are tags and whatnot in this match. Well maybe not, as those rules seem to be abandoned in the first minute of the match. Shannon Moore gets backdropped on the ladder but misses most of it. Double Doomsday Devices from each team. Jamie Sun hits a dive from the top of the ladder to the outside on two members of Three Count. Evan Karagias suplexes Kaz Hayashi off the ladder. Shannon Moore catapults a ladder into Jamie Sun in the same fashion that obliterated Joey Mercury’s eye. Double splashes on Shannon Moore. Jamie Sun gets the recording contract, and then it falls into Tank Abbott’s hands. This match is rally more of a spot fest than an actual match. For some reason Tank pushes both ladders then lets Evan Karagias get the recording contract. So I guess since Tank got the gold record Three Count wins.
The Filthy Animals ask the Cat to ref the Tag Title match tonight. This includes Disco Inferno trying to act like he is hip and failing miserably.
The Great Muta vs Ernest “The Cat” Miller
“Hey Muta, we want you to come back and work with us in WCW. And your first PPV match will be against The Cat!”
Listen I like the Cat, but he is nowhere in Muta’s league. I imagine Muta tried to spit mist through the phone when he heard that. The crowd chants “We Want Bret” two minutes in. Why the fuck would Bret come out during this match? Tygress comes to ringside. The Cat dumps Muta to the outside and chokes him with a camera cord. Muta grabs Miller back in the ring and hits a classic Dragon screw leg whip. Muta misses the moonsault, but them sprays the green mist in the eyes of The Cat. Tygress comes off the top and hits Muta with the worst chair shot ever. Muta sells it like he died. My guess is he just didn’t give a fuck. The Cat then hits a series of karate moves for the win.
As our former colleague Tim once said in his review of the show: Ernest Miller beat the Great Muta in a wrestling match.
Let that sink in for a minute.
Judy Bagwell on a Pole Match: Kanyon vs Buff Bagwell
Vince Russo’s favorite type of match, a pole match! But Kanyon comes out and has Judy Bagwell on a forklift. He had kidnapped her the previous Nitro. I never got Kanyon’s appeal. Kanyon says there was no pole big enough to hold Judy so that’s why she is on a forklift. Kanyon low blows Bagwell in the corner. This match is won by pinfall, because I guess neither guy wants to climb the forklift. Both men bore us to sleep with an extended Cobra Clutch. Kanyon eats the exposed turnbuckle that he took off earlier. Kanyon hits the Kanyon Cutter and Bagwell kicks out.
Former World Champion David Arquette comes out. He hits Bagwell with a construction helmet. Bagwell kicks out. Bagwel double clotheslines both men then hits a Double Blockbuster for the win. Bagwell brings his mom down to claim her. After the match Kanyon hits a Kanyon Cutter on Arquette.
Lance Storm arrives via Canadian police escort.
Tony Schiavone tells us Bill Goldberg was injured in a motorcycle accident in Sturgis, South Dakota. Did he go there thinking this PPV was still Road Wild?
Four Way Tag Title Match: Kronic (c) vs M.I.A. vs the Perfect Event vs Jindrak and O’Haire w/The Filthy Animals as referees
Yes, four of the five members of the Filthy Animals are referees. They have the tag title belts even though they A) aren’t in this match and B)aren’t the tag team champions. Disco tells us he is the in ring official and the rest are outside enforcers. Disco and Konnan say “They got it like that” a lot. I have no idea what it means and don’t care to find out. Disco slow counts everything for Kronic. Konnan says he is “getting fed great lines” on commentary. Oh shut the fuck up. Tygress hits the worst bronco buster ever on General Rection. Mark Madden freaks out over it because it is the closest he will get to action from a hot girl like Tygress.
Disco now slow counts everything for M.I.A. This is your typical overbooked Russo mess. Now Palumbo bores us to sleep with a sleeper hold. This match couldn’t get more boring. Great Muta and Vampiro come out and attack Kronik because basketball reasons. Kronic fends them off, making them look like complete jackasses. Bryan Clark hits the melt down but Disco doesn’t count three. Kronic hits “High Time” on Palumbo. Lt. Loco comes out, takes Disco’s ref shirt, then makes the pin. Got that? A guy who just showed up at ringside and took a ref shirt can count three.
Strap Match: Shane Douglas w/Torrie Wilson vs Billy Kidman
I’ll always say it: WCW Torrie Wilson was fine as hell. Not that the WWE version was bad. But she’s great here. I’m also quite sure she got a new boob job.
Of course these two can’t have an actual wrestling match. Because that might be good and Russo can’t have that. Kidman gets distract by Torrie and gets crotched by the strap from Douglas. Douglas whips Kidman a bit with the strap but Kidman almost hulks up and goes to work on Douglas. The crowd is so quiet you could hear a mouse fart. Torrie accidentally hits Douglas with her heel but Douglas kicks out at two. Kidman school boys Douglas but Torrie awkwardly comes in and pushes Douglas over. Douglas hits the Pittsburgh Plunge for two. Douglas gets accidentally hit by Torrie again, and then Kidman hits the Unprettier for the win.
After the match, Kidman spanks Torrie with the strap. Douglas recovers and then hangs Kidman from the corner. Big Vito comes out and saves Kidman. Out of all people, Vito gets the loudest pop of the night so far. Let that sink in.
Now Reno, Nitro Girl Siren’s boyfriend, comes in to attack Vito. Apparently there is some history between them.
Jeff Jarrett attacks Booker T and slams the car door on Booker’s bad knee.
ROTC Match: Major Gunns vs Miss Hancock
Oh boy, if you haven’t seen this before you are in for a treat. This match starts in the ring, and you have to rip off the camouflage to win. So then why is there a mud pit? There’s a pin attempt to pop the crowd because you can see Miss Hancock’s ass. Mark Madden is drooling all over himself. See at least Jerry Lawler brought something to commentary besides just sexist remarks. Miss Hancock finally pulls off Major Gunns shorts. They go to the mud and both end up in there. Suddenly as Miss Hancock starts dancing she sells a stomach injury. Major Gunns gets the pin. Suddenly everyone starts freaking out. David Flair comes out.
Yes, this was a miscarriage angle. And yes, it is in as bad taste as you could imagine. What if you were watching this and had a loved one who had a miscarriage? How does this add anything to whatever story is being told? It is an absolute awful angle and goes to show Russo just booked things he saw in B and C level movies.
Sting vs The Demon
Sting comes down from the rafters, beats up the Demon, and wins with the Scorpion Death Drop in about a minute. Vampiro and Muta try to hang Sting, but Kronik makes the save. Kronik challenges Muta and Vampiro to a tag title match. TWO KRONIK MATCHES IN ONE NIGHT????
WCW Canadian Title Match: Lance Storm (c) vs Mike Awesome
Lance Storm debuted and in less than a month won the US Title, Cruiserweight Title and Hardcore Title. He renamed the US Title the Canadian Heavyweight Title. The crowd pops big for Lance Storm. Storm says he is enforcing rule 32B, and naming a special outside enforcer. The crowd is begging for Bret but Jacques Rougeau comes out instead. Even he looks like he knows the crowd didn’t want him.
So the match starts. Awesome slips off the top rope then hits a sit out powerbomb. Awesome hits a sitout powerbomb and gets the three as Storm just misses getting his shoulder up. Rougeau breaks out the Canadian Rule Book and says you must beat your opponent with a five count so the match starts over. Now Awesome applies the Dragon Sleeper and Storm taps out. BUT NO! Rougeau says according to Canadian rules, you cannot win with a submission. This is so stupid outside of Rougeau clearly looking like he is having a blast. Why can’t these two just have a good 15 minute match without the bull shit?
Back to the match, Awesome hits a splash off the top and gets the five count. BUT HOLD ON! Rougeau says that after a five count, he has until the count of ten to answer the bell. Where were these rules earlier in the other matches? Both men go through a table even though Awesome almost slips again. Rougeau says the first man to his feet wins. Rougeau comes in and knocks out Awesome and Storm wins.
After the match Bret Hart comes out and hugs everyone. You know, they were doing a pretty good job of building up Lance Storm on Nitro in the weeks up to this. And then they make Storm look like a complete dweeb in this match. He pretty much loses three times to Awesome. Storm can’t recover from this. Here’s how you do it better: Storm and Awesome have a 15 minute match with no gimmicks. Then at the end, Storm wins via regular heel tactics. Simple enough right?
Nash is interviewed. He finishes it by saying he is going over Steiner tonight.
WCW Tag Titles: Kronic (c) vs Vampiro and the Great Muta
They are really all over the place with the editing of music for this show. They edit DDP’s music. But not Vampiro’s. They also edit Sting’s and the Demon’s but not Mike Awesome and MIA’s.
Imagine paying for this show and getting two Kronic matches in one night. My god this match is boring. It looks like Vampiro doesn’t even care anymore. Kronic is selling for most of the match so you know it sucks. Bryan Clark got the hot tag when I went up to get some leftover birthday cake. The ref gets Muta’s mist in the face. OH GREAT THE HARRIS BROTHERS ARE BACK! Said no one ever. They beat up Kronic. Muta hits the moonsault and they win the tag titles. I’m already dreading see the inevitable Kronic vs Harris Brothers match.
Scott Steiner vs Kevin Nash vs Goldberg
Tony Schiavone says the talk all weekend was about who is going to go over. All the announcers are talking about is how the wrestlers won’t follow the script and let things go down. Goldberg’s music plays but he doesn’t come out. Same result a second time. Tony says they will not watch the monitors and instead watch it in the ring, just in case they see something out of the ordinary.
After about a minute of Nash and Steiner, Goldberg comes out with a chair and taped ribs. Who let Goldberg steal DDP’s gimmick. Are we suppose to believe these three fighting is a shoot? Scott Hudson talks about Nash putting himself on the booking committee and then going over Goldberg at Starrcade 98. Schiavone keeps saying “going over” instead of winning. Nash goes for the Jack Knife, but Godlberg pushes Nash away and leaves. Vince Russo, in a cut off shirt showing his scrawny arms, tells Goldberg to get back in the ring but Goldberg still leaves. So now the announcers are telling us that the spot was suppose to be Goldberg going up for the powerbomb. Hudson asks why they even have a format. Madden says Nash was always a pro. Hey Madden, go see what Nash did prior to Starrcade 97. Now Tony asks if Steiner and Nash are going to have to improvise. Good god.
Midajah comes out and low blows Nash, who then low blows Steiner, who then gets low blowed again by Midajah. Nash hits the worst looking DDT I’ve seen in WCW in at least two shows. Madden: “Nash never uses the DDT, they really must be working on the fly.” Nash finally wins with the powerbomb as the announcers wonder if that is how the script was suppose to go. Hudson says Steiner is a professional for going up for the powerbomb. Anybody who defends Russo after this match needs to be put in a mental hospital.
WCW Heavyweight Championship: Booker T (c) vs Jeff Jarrett
Booker slams Jarrett into each side of the guardrail in the early going. Booker misses a missile dropkick and Jarrett starts to work over Booker’s knee. Of course, he works over the wrong knee for about twenty seconds. Booker starts a comeback and accidentally hits the ref with the weakest palm shot ever, but he sells it like death. Jarrett smashes the guitar over Booker’s bad knee. Jarrett applies the Figure Four but Booker eventually gets to the ropes. Jarrett then takes out the ref with a belt shot. They fight on the apron and Booker hits the Book End through a table. Jarrett accidentally hits the ref with a chair then hits the Stroke on said chair. Another ref but Booker kicks out. Booker finally hits the Book End for the win. This wasn’t a bad match but the crowd just didn’t care.
OVERALL: For all the people on the Internet who still defend Russo, I need you to go out and watch this show. Then come back to me and say how great of a writer he was. The triple threat match might be the worst match I’ve ever seen. From the wrestling to the announcers, nothing about it was entertaining. Then you overbook Lance Storm to have him win, making Storm and Awesome look like shit in the process. Kronic gets two matches, and then a feud with the Harris Brothers. Ernest Miller beat the Great Muta. Judy Bagwell was on a forklift. And I didn’t even get to the miscarriage angle yet. Even the main event is overbooked. Give me one ref bump and I can live with it, not three.
This show is a mess and unless you like torturing yourself for three hours I would not advise watching it.
Until Next Time,
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